(\/)... faith, hope and love ...(\/)

2006-03-25T11:57:00.000+08:00

Visit my new blog at claypotrice.blogspot.com. You are free to link me :)

2006-03-09T15:47:00.000+08:00

oh i wanted to blog about the surprise birthday party that u guys planned for me..
it was a pleasant "surprise" although i already suspected something fishy when jp said he wanted to treat me to dinner on 24th feb friday cos he won 4d.. can't u think of a better excuse?

and then i started seeing people who are not supposed to be in sch, like james, chok, yy..
so i knew something was going on, just that i dunno exactly what u guys had up ur sleeves..

but thanks for taking time out from your mugging to plan this for me.. this is the first time anyone had done anything like this for me.. so i am really touched and blessed. besides jp, i am not sure who else were part of the behind-the-scenes crew, so if u are part of it, a big thank you to u!

and this year i received a record number of smses wishing me happy birthday.. each and every one of them brought a smile to my face.. and the presents too.. thanks for the cards, the cd and the pouch and the t-shirt (from my sis)

every year passes by so quickly. 22 years old already.. year 3 is ending.. 2 years to graduation. i dunno wat to make out of all these. i just wish to be happy and contented with whatever God has given me.. i hope to be wiser and make decisions prudently.. and i pray for good relationships with all the people that matter to me: my family, the punjers, the mcfers, my clique and the rest of the medicine people..

2006-03-08T22:33:00.000+08:00

sigh, my msn is still not fixed.. so this is my only contact to the world online.. but exams are over, so i can blog more often if there is anything worthy to talk about..

pros went fine for me la.. enough about the vivas and dean's list crap.. ENOUGH. lau hu bu fa wei, ni men ba ta dang bing mao (loosely translated as if the tiger doesnt show his power, u treat it as if it is an ill cat). i study so as to do my best for the exams.. anything more is bonus. but enough about the vivas thing la. i am just a wigan. i am content to escape relegation and finish in 17th place. then again, wigan wont mind qualifying for europe haha..

this should be my last post here. i will add a link to my new blog when it is ready.

i just had a 10km run just now. and thought through some things.. i always think about the same things la.. thinking about how i converted and stuff.. and about relationships.

i started this blog at about the time i began to believe in jesus christ.. it was also one of the toughest times of my life.. its quite sad to read thru some of the posts, and recalling the emotions back then. sometimes i wonder how i pulled through them.. but life goes on.. and since then i have converted and in many ways, i am no longer the person i was when i started this blog. i have put my trust in god and learnt to rely on him rather than myself.. things are no longer as bleak as they seem cos i know there is somebody that is greater than all my problems.. at the same time, not everything is as rosy as it seems cos everything on earth is temporary be it 5 months, 2 years or 3 mins.. some friendships become deeper.. some are no longer as strong.. some broken relationships are mended.. some are stable.. new friendships are forged.. someone told me that relationships are dynamic. i cannot agree more. and another person told me relationships are temporary.. at the most they will last till the day i die.. but relationship with god is eternal.

thanks to all the people who have been faithfully reading my blog.. and for all the encouraging and motivating words.. a big thank you to all of you. and thank God for this new found life.

seeya at my new blog.

2006-02-19T16:32:00.000+08:00

Hey world, in case you are wondering.. i am still very much alive. blame all the spyware and viruses.. i haven't been able to open my hotmail and yahoomail for the past 2 weeks or so.. and worse, i can't go into msn messenger.. sigh.. and due to the upcoming pros, i haven't been able to find time to rectify the problem. but in a way it's a blessing in disguise, cos then i won't be spending precious sleep time chatting on msn..

i am thinking of starting a new blog.. cos i feel this current blog has no real focus.. with insignificant ramblings all over. i shall sit on the idea and work on it after the pros..

yesterday's bible study was good. we talked about how God commanded us to love one another. and that God has provided us with an example of love we are to follow, that is Christ's sacrificial love for us by dying on the cross for our sins.. he died for us when we were sinners and rejected him.. this is a love really that cannot be achieved by us.. and God has strong words for this, if we do not attain his standards, we do not belong to him.. yet God knows our sinfulness and our helplessness and through Christ, bcos Christ has achieved God's standards, we too have been deemed to have met the mark..

i think it is really hard to love everyone, even fellow believers.. and not all the time.. and definitely our love falls terribly short of God's standards.. but i believe that through God's continuing and enduring work inside our hearts, we are changed day by day to get nearer to God's standards. that one day we will die to ourselves like Christ did to himself, and love each other sincerely and selflessly.

the bible study came at the right time for me.. cos at times, i really feel so frustrated that i find it hard to love a person.. especially when a person had been unfriendly towards you or did something that irked you. so it was a timely reminder for me, sort of a wake up call.. God has commanded me to love all my brothers and sisters like Christ has loved me.. that even though a person might have done or said something against me, i am called to forgive that person and even go out of the way to show love to him/her..

and i am confident that if i have unknowingly (or even knowingly) offended any bro/sis in christ, he/she will eventually forgive me for what i have done. not bcos i have taken any initiative to restore the r/s.. but bcos of our common faith in Christ and our obedience to him.. it really is a very encouraging and comforting thought!

2006-02-04T02:06:00.000+08:00

CHP presentation is over!!!
huge sigh of relief..
just that report is not yet over.. more data analysis to be done.. but the end is in sight!

and our group won the best presentation award! damn happy man.. i think u really feel happy when u see that ur hard work over this past month has paid off.. i am glad i didnt slack off during this period by spending my time studying rather than doing chp (although i keep grumbling and complaining of my neverending data analysis) it feels great knowing u have contributed in some part to the success.. i wont be half as proud of the success if i have not done anything for the project..

still its interesting to note how we congratulated one another and passed accolades on one another.. its interesting to see some of us praising the prof, and the prof praising us.. although everyone claims that the means is more impt than the ends, but deep down inside we know that the ends are equally impt.. i think its the same for other things la.. manu could have played terrible football all season and ended up champs but the newspapers will all report the 101 reasons why manu are deserving champs and stuff.. and they can play wonderful football in a game and lost and the tabloids will go to town with 101 reasons as to what went wrong..

but i dont want to take credit away from the team.. its just a thought that i had while the prof was congratulating us and telling us what we did right and stuff.. and really what he asked at the end made sense.. if we had not won the thing, will we still be happy with what we have done?

i think the answer will be yes la but not a resounding one. the project was not without its problems or glitches.. there were points when i really wondered whether the project could carry on, whether it was going to fail and stuff.. when people stopped turning up for meetings.. when people start shirking responsibilities.. and when things started crumbling, it was really esther who managed to keep things intact and going.. haha she is our group's idol now (and b4 too).

i wont say chp was a waste of time.. i definitely learnt lots of evidence-based medicine (EBM) during the posting, learnt how to apply it and not just memorise dead formulas and analyse over- idealistic data.. spss was a useful tool to learn.. and there were many subtle things picked up.. how people behave under stress and pressure.. how people interact and communicate with one another.. the problems faced among individuals when working as a team.. and i also forged closer friendships with people.. i think the chinese adage "huan nan jian zhen qing" holds true la haha.. u really get to see who are the really dependable friends and the ones willing to lend a helping hand when u are in need..

now must really start studying..

leading songs (actually only one song ha) tmr.. pray that i can do it well..

fighting!

2006-01-31T12:45:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year was great.. has always been great.. it will always be great until it gets to that question.. and i can anticipate to get more of it for the next few cnys to come. soon i probably got to find some carribean island to escape to on cny.. haha

u know the company was great.. u meet relatives.. get hongbaos.. (esp when i am in such dire financial straits) good food.. and the perennial blackjack or 21 dian with my cousins and aunts/uncles.. (yup some money is involved.. somehow this has been a permanent cny fixture)

but inevitably the question will be popped: " so do you have a girlfriend now?"
"... er.. no.."
"why?"
"dunno.." "busy la.. no time to find one.." but normally this one will work.. "no one wants me lor.."
haha.. either i put it in a jokingly manner and laugh off the matter.. or a pitiful tone will normally put an end to the matter.. ha..

maybe i shall employ someone as my gf next year hor.. any takers?

2006-01-27T19:00:00.000+08:00

2006-01-27T18:28:00.000+08:00

"The Room" by Joshua Harris

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I Have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I Have Betrayed.”

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. “Books I Have Read,” “Lies I Have Told,” “Comfort I Have Given,” “Jokes I Have Laughed At.” Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I’ve Yelled at My Brothers.” Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I Have Done in My Anger,” “Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.” I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 20 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked “Songs I Have Listened To,” I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked “Lustful Thoughts,” I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!” In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore “People I Have Shared the Gospel With.” The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

“No!” I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was “No, no,” as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.”

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

By Joshua Harris. Orginally published in New Attitude Magazine © Copyright New Attitude 1995

2006-01-23T02:07:00.000+08:00

i knew this will be touchy.. but still got to clarify..

well it's not self reassuring if i really believe that God exists and that He does have his own plans for me.. how shall i put it? lets just say that i have something in mind that i want to achieve, lets say do well in medicine.. u know i can spend all my time and effort on it and on that day i get a lousy case or i screw up totally and i fail my mbbs. touch wood. it's not that he has failed to bless me or anything but he could have done this for my good.. perhaps 6 more months of studies could make me a better doctor or sth.. i am just stating an example..

to others, this might seem like comforting myself or even deceiving myself.. but for us who truly believe in him, we know that our lives do not belong to us but the mere existence of us here is sustained by God above.. and he has every right to decide what he wants for us.

at times, our human minds cannot fathom what God has planned for us.. but he truly has our interests at heart. my sis failed her promos and got retained.. to her it was like the world came crashing down.. but to God, it was all in his plans to seek her and make her accept Christ in her life in this time of adversity..

sometimes i wonder whether i should talk about all these.. not bcos i am worried about being judged by you.. but bcos i am not sure if it might be a stumbling block to some of u..

i shared about this during my testimony at the christmas party. i used to think christians are full of themselves and look down on other people.. but now i feel that we are just convicted by our faith and want to share the good news with you.. if there is a hole in front but u cant see it and i warn you of it, i dont think that is being arrogant or trying to force my beliefs on you. rather i feel rather selfish if i dont warn you about it.. (i might tell u about the hole on this blog next time.. and be prepared to get shot down ha.)

i dunno why i went off the point.. anyway it is not as if i will passively sit there and let God do his stuff.. i dont think thats what i am supposed to do.. i will still carry on with what i am doing, but with the knowledge that the outcome is decided by him above and that it is for the good of me, whether i can truly understand it or not, and it is according to the will of him.

oh manu just beat liverpool 1-0.. happy! i shall sleep in peace..

2006-01-21T09:25:00.000+08:00

yesterday had a long chat with 2 friends.. one was quite long. the other was super long. in fact it just went into the soon wee's book of records as the longest telephone conversation ever. the previous record was i think 30 minutes. after yesterday, the record stands at i think 2 and a half hours!! more on that later..

anyway, i met my bible study group mates at settlers cafe for dinner and games. it was an ok outing la.. but disappointingly, we only played 2 games.. the dumb brainless animal game where we had to make an animal noise each and remember each other's animal noises.. and cranium.. cranium is fun but it is a rather long game so we ended up playing only these 2 games. i think the mcf settlers outing was more fun though.

went home with my bs leader on mrt and we had a chat about our lives and the direction set for our bs group.. actually it was more of him sharing about what he thought of the group.. in a way, i think i agree with him that the group is rather unlively and unwilling to open up to each other.. but sometimes i guess its just people's personailities.. for myself, i would have to say i used to be a rather closed person but coming to punj has changed that a lot.. i am sort of more encouraged to share with others about my feelings and struggles because i know that people here will not judge me or look at me negatively. on the other hand, i do find it difficult to convey verbally what i think and feel.. some sort of mind-mouth dissociation.. i am better at writing it down but then again, i am lazy to write haha..

but it never fails to amaze me how faithful and godly some of the punjers are.. the time they spent each week in church preparing for bible studies.. giving up their well-paying jobs to serve full-time in church.. and many others.. i am really encouraged by them but also guilty at times.. guilty that i have not served as much as i wanted to and that sometimes, my selfish nature has prevented me from contributing to punj.. my new year resolution at the start of this year was to change that and be a more active member of PUNJ..

now to the 2 and a half hour marathon chat.. again, it's more of the other party confiding in me than anything else..

can't say much la.. just that affairs of the heart are really touchy issues.. most of the time there is no real right or wrong.. you just follow your conscience and intuition and hope that things turn out your way. i am more for the idea of following your head and thinking logically but more often that not, the heart will somehow take over and have a mind of its own.. so i really dunno.

i think as a guy, we have no choice but to take the first step.. we cant wait around for girls to ask us out.. haha. in a way we make our own luck.. but i think as time goes by, we can objectively decide for ourselves where we stand.. there will a cue here and a hint there.. and sometimes it will be so obvious a conclusion staring at you in the face yet you choose to ignore it and plunge deeper into it..

it is important to tell yourself truthfully whether it is plain infatuation or you really like the person.. i wont even use the word "love" cos it is always used out of context and used too freely.. infatuation is like seeing a shoe or a watch on the shelves and you immediately "fall in love" with it. as days go by, the feelings for that watch gets stronger.. u continue to feed your infatuation by going down to the shop and marvel over it.. how good and nice it will be if i can get it.. then slowly "i will get it".. then " i must get it" so u start to save up money and forgo lunches and movies.. finally u might save enough money to get it.. but for myself normally after a long while, i find my interest in the watch dying and i find myself thinking " hey, actually i don't really want it or need it". thats my definition of infatuation for u.. it is a flawed anology definitely but it is close to my definition la. for a start u cant use money to buy a relationship.. but u do spend a lot of time and effort to pursue it.. and a long time after u fail, depending on how stubborn u are, u will see how foolish u are..

that's a lot to say for a topic.. and that shows how much i used to think about it. i still think about it but less so now.. cos i believe God has a plan for my life and he will do things for me when the time is right..

2006-01-10T02:25:00.000+08:00

My real shijie: Chew Chern and the fake one ha..

2006-01-10T02:23:00.000+08:00

Thanks so much, Edmund! Thank God..

2006-01-10T02:21:00.000+08:00

PUNJ says goodbye to Edmund and Chew Chern too..

2006-01-10T02:17:00.000+08:00

PUNJ(Poly-Uni-NS-JC)ers: We will miss you, Elliot..

2006-01-10T02:15:00.000+08:00

Lynette!!

2006-01-10T02:13:00.000+08:00

Elliot! All da best to you..

2006-01-10T02:12:00.000+08:00

Keee..vin and Allen

2006-01-10T02:10:00.000+08:00

Ms Clare!

2006-01-10T02:08:00.000+08:00

hohoho.. liangpei..

2006-01-10T02:05:00.000+08:00

Nicholas, Shu-en, Shumin, Grace and Kristy

Replies

2006-01-07T00:59:00.001+08:00

wah so many comments.. never had so much in a long time man..

to shjie: yupz new blogskin.. nice hor? i increased font size for u leh.. hope its big enough for u

ms clare: i will consider getting a tagboard once i figure out how to get one.. and when i have the time to do so.. or perhaps u can gimme some golden advice here

and to my dearest and very understanding sister: i don't understand why u can't come over to my room and tell me rather than leave a comment here.. just trying to gain publicity right.. then again i could have gone over to ur room to tell u this.. ok i will tag on ur blog soon..

and last but not least to my dearest cg mate cum dasao: thanks for visiting my blog.. but why anonymous? u don't want people to know u? but oops, i think i revealed ur identity alr.. so sorry.. dasao. haha

2006-01-01T16:15:00.000+08:00

i am quite lousy at this html thing.. was just cutting and pasting from my old template so that the comments thing still work.. the archives also.. so eveything is in a mess.. and my sidebar is so cluttered.. but i like the background though..

going for a run with jp and jy.. what a way to start 2006! haha.

2005-12-30T23:20:00.000+08:00

should be typing my cofm report instead of blogging.. but i just watched the last episode of bai se ju ta (white tower?) and gan cu liang shen.. it's a very sad ending.. although it is just a show, i think the show does bring out many important learning points and things to ponder over.. u got to watch the show for urself though.. and i think all future doctors should watch it..

this holidays has been one of writeups and tv for me.. doing writeups and watching tv.. haha.. watching this korean vcd called full house in particular.. i quite like it.. in fact i watched it twice.. so that explains the state of my cofm report now.. must finish it tmr by hook or by crook, so that i can enjoy my church's new year's eve dinner in peace haha..

every year passes by so quickly.. soon we will be housemen.. and housewomen hahahaha...

2005-12-25T22:52:00.000+08:00

Christmas present!

2005-12-25T22:46:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-25T22:38:00.000+08:00

Charlton School. Now or Never. heh some memories recovered while tidying my room.

2005-12-24T00:03:00.000+08:00

phew.. i just shared my testimony.. ok la was abit nervous at the start but it was alright later on.. just that i was not very sure where to place my hands after a while.. haha.. and it was very hard juggling the mike the stand and the script and occasionally keeping eye contact with the audience. the punjers were super encouraging afterwards.. i was really touched. and i hoped God had reached out to the non-Christians at the party today. then my effort would have been worth it!

it has been a happy 5 days of hols for me.. every day was so well spent. just that i really really need to start doing both my emed and cofm write-ups liao..

2005-12-19T16:23:00.000+08:00

i dunno why the photos turned out so small.. tried to make them bigger but cant.. i thought the photos this year were quite well taken..
just finished typing about half to 2 thirds of my testimony which i am going to give on friday.. then a bit of word constipation.. i know what i want to write but it somehow doesnt flow.. i will finish up the rest tonight or tmr.. at least the tougher part is done la.. the remaining is more straightforward.. saw this coming la, actually i was supposed to share about it last xmas but i wasnt prepared. in fact i turned my bs leaders down twice liao so a bit paiseh.. so this time when they asked me, i said ok rather readily.. a bit apprehensive but i am psyching myself up these few days.. in fact i am rather relaxed and cool about it.. but its still safer to do it with a script if not later in front of so many people confirm screw up one..
just finished emed posting.. and i must say i enjoy every minute of it.. this must count as my favourite posting so far.. lucky to have great tutors.. prof suresh who never fails to amaze me with his incredible stamina.. u know he gave us this super long tutorial from 830 am to 830 pm.. he is just so super responsible.. then there were dr shirley, dr benjamin leong, dr amila, dr lee kuan wee.. all of them were so willing to teach. these 3 weeks were really well spent. my ECG knowledge just increased so many times.. then saw all the acute illnesses.. got to do procedures.. i put in my first 2 stitches of my career! something which i never got to do at AH surgery where all i did until 1130pm at night was hold retractors and take photos.. hmm emed as a career.. y not? something to consider.. i think it is quite exciting and most importantly working hours are fixed and regular. just that i don't know whether i got the aptitude for it.. and whether i can be calm enough to make decisions expeditiously.
must spend this hols fruitfully.. 2 weeks only and it is our longest break so far. but got lots to do.. cofm project. cofm write-up. emed write-up. xmas. new year.
saturday was qianyi's birthday party.. quite a blast. good food. gorgeous place. almost like a resort. complete with swimming pool. i heard even got attic and entertainment room upstairs. oh i liked the cake and choc fondue.. oh not to forget we got to see a different qianyi that day, almost cant recognise her haha.. and she was a good host too.. walking around to talk to diff people..
and it was an enjoyable time talking to the people at my table..

it has been so long.. but i am glad.. no more awkwardness.. friends still and siblings with Christ.. thank God, and pray that i will be able to share my testimony on Friday boldly and uninhibited.. =)

going swimming with zhiwen now.. happy hols all the med people!

2005-12-18T16:36:00.000+08:00

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2005-12-18T16:32:00.000+08:00

2005-12-18T16:31:00.000+08:00

2005-12-05T10:31:00.000+08:00

just came back from ambulance attachment.. i must say it was rather boring and unexciting..
1st case 11.08 pm. malay woman presented with chest tightness and epigastric pain while breastfeeding baby.
2nd case 2am. elderly chinese lady presented with shortness of breath. chronic smoker. history of COPD. probably acute exacerbation of COPD. given inhaled salbutamol.
3am. assault case. a guy being beaten by 10 over guys at hougang green. can't find him there. caller said he had walked to another place.
3rd case 3.20am. chinese lady. gave birth few weeks ago. presented with fever, chills and rigors for 2 days. fever was waxing and waning. associated with dysuria. suspected UTI.
4th case 5.24am road traffic accident along road near compasspoint. motorcyclist and pillion rider injured. man compained of pain around right lateral chest area. his wife had a probable dislocation of her right shoulder and little finger.i wasnt required to do much except for the last case which i helped to carry the man onto the stretcher. well at least it was an eyeopener being inside a fire station for the first time and having an insight into how the civil defence is like. the 2 medics i was with certainly didnt have a lot of good comments about the "free ambulance service" the civil defence was providing. haha. but both of them treated me well and we all got on quite well. and with 2 2-hr sleeps saddling a call, the night call was quite bearable. but learning value wise for a medical student, i wouldnt say it was that useful..

MARATHON
how can i not blog about it right.. heh i would say this year i did quite okay la.. i was pleased with my timing. pb leh.. haha. stuck to my race plan and everything turned out well.. no cramps this year.. just muscle tightness and fatigue around 35km.. after that was pure mental stength and putting one foot in front of the other all the way to the finishing line.
much more enjoyable and satisfying this year la.. learnt my mistake from last year.. started training earlier and clocked more mileage too.. and not to forget the sunday runs with joops, jingz, yongxian and hope.. i think the training itself was equally satisfying and worth treasuring as the actual marathon.. the friendship, the crappy jokes, the toilet breaks, the pineapple juice and 100 plus we looked forward to during the long runs.. i hope we will make the sunday runs a regular fixture..and without doubt, i will be back next year.. to crack the 4 hour mark.. and to experience the exhilaration, the atmosphere and of cos the pain all over again!

2005-12-05T09:59:00.000+08:00

finishers' tee and medal. my prizes after the gruelling run. oh and my race bib number. 5657. for the 4D punters.. haha. u owe me a treat if u strike hor..

2005-12-05T09:54:00.000+08:00

this photo also taken by my sis at the finishing point. this one can play picture game.. so guess where i am.. give up la.. u can find half of my body if u look closely enough on the left side of the pic.. says a lot about my sis phototaking skills.. haha

2005-12-05T09:50:00.000+08:00

my sis caught me running along kallang road. around 38km i think. so qiao!

2005-12-03T22:13:00.000+08:00

marathon tmr!!! so excited.. i need some benzodiazepines.. hahaha..
check out this space..
then ambulance attachment at sengkang fire station tmr night.. looking forward to it.. just hope i can survive these 2 events tmr.. what an action-packed sunday!

2005-10-16T20:36:00.000+08:00

i havent blogged for damn long i realise.. it has been a really busy 4 months or so.. surgery followed by medicine posting..

i wouldnt say it was totally smooth sailing.. there were times when i felt really down, like why did i choose this course and am i really cut out for medicine.. for a start, i was never someone who likes to start conversations and socialise with people.. now i am required to talk to total strangers about things that are so personal to them, and to ask about their illnesses and stuff, and try my very best to be friendly and tactful in front of them.. and not to forget examining patients and presenting cases in front of tutors.. but thank God, i got thru them.. even though in times of doubt and worry, i always had Him to turn to for solace and comfort and to persevere in this career..

surgery was quite a nightmare especially at the beginning.. being made the leader in a totally new cg, separated from my sub cg mates, in a totally new environment and put in a team with a weird mood swinging consultant and bochup reg and mo werent really the best start to my clinical postings.. at times i was really clueless as to how to carry on the surg posting, esp with all the talk about changing teams and tutors etc.. luckily, things got better, and the later half of the posting at AH was much more bearable and at times, even fun and interesting.. i especially miss the long lunch hours at Alexandra village.. oh and the avocado juice!

medicine posting was much much better.. things were more organised at sgh and my 2 tutors were much more sane and friendly and willing to teach.. learnt so much more compared to AH but of cos there is just so much for us to learn in medicine..

and finally we have a one week break.. i will definitely treasure this..

been thinking thru some things lately.. thinking about some relationships and friends.. on one hand u really care about them and want to share with them the gospel and stuff, but words are just hard to say when it comes to religion and faith.. its such a sensitive issue that u risk spoiling the friendship and making things awkward.. but yet its so impt..

this is from the talk yesterday.. maybe its something u all can ponder over.. are u an accidental existence or a created being? it makes a whole world of difference as to how u would live ur lives.. if we are here as a result of a big bang by chance, then we can really just eat drink and be merry or to take it to the extreme, just take our lives and die today whenever we feel like it.. because if we came from nothing, then we are accountable to nothing and we will return to nothing.. there is really no meaning to our existence except whatever worth we give to it, be it our spouse, our children, our money, our goals, whatever.. so if u take this view, u can enjoy it while it lasts and while u can afford it or work hard to afford it.. and when all things crumble around u, u can either move on to other things to exist and live for, or can just cease to exist..
the latter view is what the bible offers, that is we are created by God for a purpose, to exist in a relationship with Him and in relationships with people, to be stewards over the world He has created, and to enjoy the things He has given us in abundance.. i think it is something worth pondering over.. something which has eternal consequences..

wonder whether i will get hate mail for sharing about christianity online.. or maybe get sued or something.. after all some teachers got into trouble recently for asking their students to go church..

watched this korean serial stairway to heaven recently.. i dunno why i like korean serials beacause i really think they are very dumb.. their story has no logic and is so melodramatic and everything happens so coincidentally.. but i still watch them and still hooked to them.. haha.. anyway after watching qiu tian de tong hua, then winter sonata and now stairway to heaven, i made a few observations.. first, someone in the show will surely suffer from some debilitating illnesses.. there will be some suggestion of some incestuous relationship.. the supporting actor is always very self sacrificial.. and he always end up with no one loving him.. oh car accidents are the way to go if u want to die.. or to recover lost memories.. anyway stairway to heaven is totally absurd.. i just watched the last episode which shows the supporting actor commiting suicide so that he can donate his retina to the lead actress who had lost her eyesight.. my god, which person in the right mind will do that? ok la i have to admit its really very touching, but if u do that, then what will happen to your family, your friends.. it is really quite a selfish thing to do if u think about it.. and watching korean shows put u in a surreal world.. where love is so perfect, so beautiful that u start thinking whether it might happen to u.. and of cos the answer is a big no bcos its just so impossible and unrealistic..

so better return to the real world and the realities of life.. i think many people attach too much significance and importance to getting attached and the like.. i think getting married and lving and setting up a family with someone u love is a really beautiful thing.. but its not the be all and end all of life.. life still goes on when u are single.. in fact there is so much more that one can do when one is single.. so much more that one can contribute.. so much more time available for God, for other people, for things u like to do.. and i think that the more desperate u are wanting to get into a relationship, the higher chance u will end up in a relationship which wont last.. i guess i shall leave all these to God who knows best and has my interests at heart..

2005-10-03T23:29:00.000+08:00

Romans 3:10 As it is written:
"There is no one righteous, not even one;
11there is no one who understands,
no one who seeks God.
12All have turned away,
they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
not even one."
13"Their throats are open graves;
their tongues practice deceit."
"The poison of vipers is on their lips."
14"Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness."
15"Their feet are swift to shed blood;
16ruin and misery mark their ways,
17and the way of peace they do not know."
18"There is no fear of God before their eyes."

2005-08-07T20:40:00.000+08:00

thought its time to have a little update..

last week my auntie, as in my father's brother's wife, passed away due to cancer.. sets me thinking about life and stuff u noe.. seems life is really short on earth and i am really convinced that we are just passing tourists here, and thats why i think death is not the end.. there must be something beyond that and the bible affirms that by saying that by believing and trusting in jesus, we can have eternal life.. a perfect life after death, in heaven, a true utopia which humans have tried so hard but failed to create on earth.. and i am glad for my aunt, bcos she has received christ in her life and thru him, received the promise of eternal life.. thru her family, i really see a model christian family, united in adversity and holding on to god's promise and believing that the separation is only temporary..

today i feel really happy.. cos my dad went to church for the first time in his life.. it's my late aunt's church so the congregation is sort of praying for the family today so my uncle asked my family to go down. so me, my dad and my sis went.. end up we were the only relatives who went.. and it was actually a normal sunday service la, just that the pastor prayed for my uncle's family.. so not bad la, initially wanted to ask my dad to go to sunday's friendship service at arpc, i guess this isnt a bad alternative.. but the whole service was in teochew, luckily there was mandarin interpreter for the sermon.. i was staring at the bible most of the time for the rest of the service, only catching bits and pieces of the teochew service.. then when we bow our heads in prayer, i would only know the prayer has ended when they said "amen" haha.. it is quite a traditional church, and most of the people who attended the teochew service were old folks.. quite different from arpc haha.. but most impt thing is that we believe in the same god.. anyway after the service the reverend came to talk to my dad about religion and stuff.. think this is the first time my dad has been exposed to the gospel.. i really hope he continues to go, doesnt matter which church.. in fact during one of the prayers which i could not understand anyway, i prayed for God to change his heart and make him accept Christ as his saviour.. i asked him whether he is going to go next week, he half jokingly said he will since there is free breakfast and tea after service.. i will be praying hard.. but in any case it's a good start!

yesterday i went to marina south for the national day carnival concert.. it was a blast!! wu yue tian rocks man! one of the best concerts i have attended.. and it's free too.. i am going for the countdown tmr! to watch FIR and live fireworks!

but tmr is monday.. ot day.. it is going to be another dreadful day in the ot with daniel tan.. guess what time i stayed till last thursday in ot?? u wont believe it.. we stayed till freaking 11.30 pm!! total of 14 hours in ot.. and it's only one operation.. it is not that my consultant is incompetent or anything, it is just that he has his way of doing things and he swears by his own methods.. tmr there are 4 ops, i hope everything will go smoothly and i will be out by 5pm..

2005-06-26T17:12:00.000+08:00

tomorrow heralds the start of medicine year 3.. very frankly speaking, i am totally unprepared for it.. emotionally unprepared.. didnt read up.. and i dont really feel excited or anything. in the past, at the start of every academic year, even in primary school, i will feel quite psyched up.. make a list of goals, mentally or otherwise, set targets. this time feels different, in fact i dont feel anything, i dunno what is in store for me. maybe it is better this way, just let whatever comes comes, so there is less stress and worry.. one step at a time.

2005-06-22T12:20:00.000+08:00

i just found out who won eye for a guy 2.. because the last episode fell on the day i came back from church camp and i could not reach home in time for the finale.. and i keep forgetting to check the website.. actually i was rooting for howard to win but somehow i have a feeling that wolfgang will clinch it, especially when there were newspaper reports of wolfgang and denise holidaying in bali.. somehow it just proves that girls just dont like nice guys. not to say that wolfgang is not nice.. but i feel that howard seems to be more of the good, faithful kind.. well i dunno its just my observation and a generalization.

anyway i really dont understand how people can fall in love when there are so many cameras and people around.. and sometimes i dunno whether they really mean what they say in front of the camera.. or they are just making a show of it. i like watching reality shows but i take whatever they say with a pinch of salt..

2005-06-20T22:50:00.000+08:00

just came back from a run.. and i felt real good. was running leisurely around a cluster of blocks of flats when i saw this super fit guy running in opp direction to me.. since i am doing rounds and he is running in opp direction, i will be meeting him twice every round, so i decided to speed up a little so that i will always be meeting him in the same place.. haha quite lame huh.. but i end up having quite a good workout..

was reading some other blogs.. i must say some people can write really well.. and about meaningful stuff. contrary to my own haha.. and to think that i got some award for my languages back then.. i feel a bit ashamed.. i dont mind returning the award to the respective authorities haha.

just a thought. i feel that sometimes the christian faith gets a bit too intellectual.. especially when we were doing the bible study on reading proverbs.. i felt like i was attending some literature class ha.

bailey and love is really thick.. looks impressive on the shelf.. and the perfect tonic for insomnia.. and weights training.

2005-06-18T01:39:00.000+08:00

i am determined not to feel ashamed of the gospel anymore. last time i was very afraid to talk about christianity on my blog.. i was afraid to admit to relatives and friends that i am a christian.. in a way i was ashamed of christianity.. i was afraid that people would think i am weird.. i want to fit into the crowd.. i was afraid people would speak behind my back, gossiping about how stupid i was to convert and stuff.. and i am sure people did speak about me, even my friends, i am dead sure about that.. i think i was afraid bcos i wasnt sure yet, and i wasnt ready to submit to God's authority..

now i think there is really nothing shameful about being a christian.. indeed its really a great privilege to be one.. i think there are people out there who constantly deny the truth of the bible despite having read it.. i am privileged bcos thru God's grace, i have been enabled to accept the teachings of the bible and made to grow in understanding of it and being made more and more aware of how true the bible is..

and i accept that i am weird.. this is wat i told someone just now haha.. bcos i am a stranger on this world not living according to the rules and worldly desires of this world but according to God's will and laws.. i don't belong here, i am only a passing tourist, an out-of-the-world foreigner..

and i am not unhappy.. i am happier now than before i became a christian.. i have more direction in life now, not the aimless chicken i was before.. i am more contented now too bcos everything in this world is just in passing and temporary. life is less of a struggle now because u noe whats right and whats wrong according to God.. whereas in the past i do things according to my own conscience and everything is in a mess..

i am proud to be a christian.

2005-06-16T17:09:00.000+08:00

sandra

2005-06-16T17:08:00.000+08:00

my bs leader, bee him

2005-06-16T17:07:00.000+08:00

sui

2005-06-16T17:06:00.000+08:00

kevin aka yao ming

2005-06-16T17:04:00.000+08:00

shumin

2005-06-16T17:03:00.000+08:00

jackass cynric

2005-06-16T17:02:00.000+08:00

tathong, my running mate at church camp

2005-06-16T17:00:00.001+08:00

delicious dunkin donuts

2005-06-16T17:00:00.000+08:00

road to kl

2005-06-16T16:55:00.000+08:00

me and nicholas in front of twin towers

2005-06-16T16:43:00.000+08:00

boy.. really cute haha..

2005-06-16T16:40:00.000+08:00

shumin acting cute..

Church Camp 2005

2005-06-16T14:29:00.000+08:00

I am back from church camp.
Church camp was really very good! very much better than expected.. i thought it would be damn boring listening to talks and stuff but i benefitted a lot from it, learnt a lot from God's word and i feel really refreshed.. not refreshed bcos of the break i had from school and studies.. but refreshed in my Christian walk. to a certain extent i think my Christian walk became stagnant, i wasn't really living my life the way a Christian should be.. so this camp really made me determined to "clean up my act" and be really serious about my faith.

i got to know quite a few people during the camp.. especially the younger ones, those in jc bcos we seldom interact at punj. and i think i got to know some people better during the camp.. didnt really have an opportunity to talk to these people at church bcos i dont normally hang around after church to mingle around with them. and in my free time i seldom meet up with them.. this is something i am determined to work on.. i thank God for all these friendships.. i feel really encouraged by all the people i meet during church camp.. my bible study leaders, my punj group members.. they made me feel like home in this family of christ and i feel i am not alone in this christian walk. i feel blessed.

i thank God for arpc, my church.. it is a really good church and i am glad it was the first church i attended because i think i might not have converted if i had gone to another church. the teachings at arpc are solely based on the bible and very clear.. sermons are very structured and well planned based solely on the bible, not just talks with no references to the bible or mere ramblings or sweet talk or bombarstic language.

the theme of this year's church camp is good fear. fear of the lord and being wise.. much of the time is spent reading the book of proverbs and i have tried reading it on my own b4 church camp.. and it was really hard catching what it was trying to say because the proverbs are all over the place.. so the sermons and bible studies really helped me make sense of the proverbs and categorise them.

the topics touched on during the camp were very relevant and practical in our daily lives, even for non christians i think.. like money, work, relationships, sex, speech.. how to live our lives wisely not by our own wisdom or understanding but knowing God's wisdom.

i learnt a lot about relationships during the church camp from the sermon on it, the workshop for youths on relationship and sex, and the discussions we had in punj and the casual talks we had in our free time. i think pastor chris described the situation in today's world quite well. on one extreme, we become arelational or non relational.. we are so cooped up with our work, our studies and our beloved computer that we stop talking to human beings. and our communication is reduced to a mere hi and bye.. where we become acquaintances rather than forge deep friendships.. we are becoming less and less human like.. God has made us relational people so that we need to talk to one another and interact with one another.. he didnt make only adam.. he also created eve so that adam would not be lonely.

but on the other end of the spectrum, some people depend too much on relationships, so much so that they idolise them.. it becomes the sole purpose in their lives, that everything revolves around it.. that is so true, isnt it? i experienced it too.. when u get into a relationship and everything else is not impt except for your gf or bf.. you lose everything else in your life, your family, your other friends, God.. you even lose yourself, your identity and sometimes even your life.. we see that happening everyday in our lives.

what we as christians ought to understand is that God created us for relationships.. he created this need in us, he programmed us for relating to people.. meaning we can never survive alone.. so instead of spending all your lifetime chasing after a career and money, we should spend more time with our families, with friends, with our spouses and children.. we should love one another in sincerity not hypocrisy, and be other people centred.. we must thank God for all our relationships because they are a gift from God and because of that, we have the responsibilty of building those relationships and strive to be good sons/daughters, good friends, good mothers/fathers in future, good wives/husbands..

i am very convinced now that i will not marry a non-christian.. i was a bit unsure about this christian dating non christian thing before i came to church camp.. although i know it is not adviseable through a workshop we had in punj and through articles i read online, but i was not totally convinced.. now i think if we as christians are serious about our faith and serious about our God, then He should be the sole authority in our lives, the top priority ahead of our career, our money, our families and our partners. it is very hard for non-christians to understand this, and it is not surprising, but a true christian should not marry a non-christian. if God is topmost priority in a christian's life, i dont see how a nonchristian and a christian can ever be compatible in the way they view their lives, their money, their roles, their upbringing of the child. if ever they are going to be compatible, there will have to be a compromise on one side.. the non-christian converting or the christian falling away from God.. and a true christian will never take that risk hoping to convert the partner risking himself/herself falling so deep in love with his/her partner that he/she chooses to give up the relationship with God.

what pastor joshua said on tueday morning hit very close to my heart.. something that struck me. he gave this example of this christian girl dating a non-christian guy and the girl finally realised that she should stop this relationship in view of her relationship with God.. so they broke up.. but the guy realised how serious the girl was about God, he started asking himself whether this God really exists and is indeed so powerful that she is willing to give up the relationship. he started coming to church and in the process converted.. and that was also how i converted.. this is not an example of how a non-christian can be converted through a relationship but i think it is a clear picture of how missionary dating will never work out and how non-christians and christians will never work out together. in a way it is harder for christian girls i think because they dont get to choose which guy to ask themselves out.. so i dont blame her.. but i think christian girls should be very decisive and say no when a nonchristian asks her out.. so that she spares both of them the misery when they finally break up. but i thank God for her too, because without her, i would not have come to know Christ.. and i thank God that she was wise enough to reject me and not go into a fruitless relationship with me, one in which i might have ended up not converting, or falsely converted into a fake christian for her sake.. so i am very thankful.

sorry for being so super long winded today but i just want to pen down (blog down ) my thoughts from church camp while i am still in the mood and i want to remember the lessons i learnt in church camp for life and apply them to my daily living..

oh one more thing.. a few people have asked me how my life has changed since i became a christian.. i feel a bit stumped by the qn.. as in i dont really know how to answer it.. partly i think it is because i cannot really artculate my thoughts very well.. partly bcos i keep thinking of giving a good answer and not a sincere answer.. but largely i think it is because very little of my life has changed since i became a christian, contrary to what i would like to be and to what i claimed in my blog post last time.. i think my sinful nature has prevented me from living a godly life and it has prevented me from admitting and facing up to it.. sometimes i give myself excuses and i start deluding myself and start questioning God's word.. does it really say i cannot do this and that? after all it is by faith, so it doesnt matter what i do.. i will be saved anyway.. but i think the bible is super clear on this and the sermons reinforced this, that the sins and evil deeds are a manifestation of our sinful nature so if we are indeed to be in christ and we are dead to sin, we should not be continuing to lead a life that obeys the sinful nature.. yes it is a gift from God, we are saved by Jesus' death on the cross but we have the responsibility too to work it out, it is a task for us to put to death all our former evil ways and lead lives that are pleasing to God and worthy of Him.

the last 2 talks summed up what we as christians ought to do very well, so i shall end with this. as christians, we ought to live our lives wisely. this wisdom is from God and shown and perfected in the person of Jesus Christ. it is a gift from God. it is also a task and responsibility. everyday we must make a choice, to live wisely not foolishly. to live wisely,
1. we say no to sins
2. we say yes to love, love for one another expressed in oneness
3. we say thanks to God for our relationships

i thank God for everything. =) and i pray that from today onwards, i will make a constant effort not to sin (with God's help of cos).. next time when people ask me how my life has been since i became a christian, i can answer them boldly and confidently.

2005-06-08T21:32:00.000+08:00

heh here's another update, do treasure it haha.. i have a feeling there wont be many posts when yr 3 starts.. oh well..

i started to increase my mileage again this week.. to prepare for the new running season! ran 2 times 4 km on the treadmill on sunday. den did some weights.. ended up injuring my fifth left digit. now there are 2 focal lesions measuring about 0.2 cm times 0.2 cm each on the pulp of my fifth left digit, deduced to be hemorrhage as a result of trauma.. back to my running, yesterday i ran 15km and today i did 4 times 1km plus 6km jogging.. i hope i can squeeze in a couple more runs b4 church camp this sat.

this week is hell week for my cousin-cum-tutee. as a result of his abysmal midyear results and in view of his upcoming all important psle, i have forced him to have tuition from 9 to 5 at my place.. very frustrating teaching him.. sometimes u just cant control yourself when u see him making the same old stupid mistakes over and over again.. so i ended up hitting him and pinching him.. i always tell myself to control my anger at the start of the tuition but sooner or later i will lose it.. feel guilty especially when he starts to sob.. maybe i have been brought up in an environment where capital punishment is the norm so my threshold for punishing him seems to be lower.. or perhaps i shouldnt impose my own standards on him.. actually my cousin isnt a terribly dumb person.. he is smart and shrewd in many little ways like beating me at chinese chess and arguing with me.. i feel he is just not putting in enough effort in his studies and he is always making careless mistakes.. sigh..

watching some stupid shows on channel 8 recently.. there is one at 9pm about ghosts and stuff.. go check out the super high tech hell and newton's funky hairstyle. den there is this one on channel u about this emperor travelling through time to modern hongkong.. quite funny actually..

playing championship manager again.. its the only game i play haha.. its amazing how it can affect my mood u noe.. when my team (manchester utd naturally) starts losing.. but i always cheat by restarting the game again haha.. come on u guys do that too.. if only i can do that too in real life.. make a mistake, then restart and do it again. oh anyway manu bought van der sar from fulham.. frankly i would have preferred cudicini from chelsea. i just hope van der sar performs at manu next season, this has been the tenth keeper since schmichael.. hope there will be other high profile signings, if not i really dont see how we can challenge chelsea and arsenal next season.

2005-06-04T12:06:00.000+08:00

it has been a very hectic couple of months since the 2nd professionals ended.
csfc has been a totally new experience for me. pretty exciting actually.. felt almost like half a doctor.. the white coat, the stuffy long sleaved shirt, the stethoscope (never mind if i still can't make out the difference between a PSM and an ESM, let alone a MDM or a EDM.. damn sometimes i can't even hear s1 and s2..).. well cheap thrill.. after a while the thrill of looking like a doctor wears off.. and the reality of me sweating profusely under the white coat and the long sleaved shirt sets in.. and the inadequacies of my 2 yrs of medical education are fully exposed when u can neither make head nor tail of the confusing constellation of signs and symptoms you are bombarded with.. and the blank stares and puzzled faces when asked for the causes of cyanosis and the side-effects of digoxin and the different causes of jaundice.. and you finally realise you still have a long long way to go..

if there is one most valuable thing i picked up from the course, it will have to be communication skills. it is something i have dreaded in the past, speaking to strangers and relating to them.. but surprisingly, i now find it quite a joy to talk to patients and finding about their conditions and how the patients feel.. especially the older patients who are often more than willing to share with you their life experiences.. it is very funny when you ask them one thing and they can veer off track to talk about something totally unrelated.. but i think being there to just listen is already a great comfort to them.. and it does brighten up my day too when i see them smile.

of course the language barrier has been one problem we constantly face when we talk to patients.. in fact more than half of the patients i talk to are non-english speaking.. speaking in mandarin is okay, in fact i find myself more comfortable speaking in mandarin.. but hokkien is something i need to work on.. many times i find myself stuck when i want to ask a question or say something in hokkien, especially when it comes to the more technical terms.. malay? even worse.. my understanding of the malay language is limited to simple verbs and nouns like saya, boleh, sakit, makan, minum, baik, barek etc.. trying to pick up words here and there but i still can't form a sentence in malay, let alone hold a conversation.. wonder why no one ever told me that it is important to know my dialects and malay when i enter medicine..

sigh i have been posted to surgery alexandra hospital.. so far except for 2 forgiving souls who told me that the tutors there are very nice, everyone has been telling me it is the worst possible place one can be in for surgery.. i really do hope it wont turn out as bad as they say it is.. i dont want to fail my first posting in yr 3 and go for a reposting.. maybe mugging the whole of bailey and love might help haha..

anyway next sat is church camp.. my first ever.. held at putra jaya, near kl i think.. i hope it is fun.. going to be involved in the games committee and one of the songs sessions.. pray for willingness to serve others and for good fellowship with the punjers.. looking forward to it!

2005-04-17T11:13:00.000+08:00

hey how's everybody? anyway who's everybody? haha.. i don't even know who is reading this blog or continuing to read the blog.. since i update it so infrequently.

anyway, yesterday was my pri sch classmate's 21st birthday.. our friendship goes a long way back to pri 1. can't imagine man, 1991 till 2005.. time has passed me by. it was sort of a mini class gathering for us exclassmates too, at least for those few who have been consistently turning up for the gatherings. it is interesting to realise that many of my other frens still keep in touch with their pri sch classmates.. more than i expected la, after all after so many years, it is only natural that we go on to make new frens and lose contact with old frens.. but it is really fun to meet up with old frens, to see how everyone has changed, and aged haha, catch up with them and reminisce the old times.. i don't have a good memory, i realise, so at least meeting up with them helps to recover some of those lost memories haha.. pri sch was fun la.. sch work was easier.. tests were easier.. people were simpler.. even i was simpler. hmm..

we have since gone separate ways, and i mean really separate.. not different junior colleges or different facs in nus that sort of thing. so we are now an assortment of undergrads, poly grads, ns men, nsf (nevermind the diff girls haha..), and working people.. it is very different coming from a neighbourhood sch.. mixing with people of very different backgrounds, academic abilities, race, ambitions.. in fact i think i belong more to such a culture, more so than the rather "elitist" environment i am in right now.. sometimes i can't imagine i am going to be a doctor soon..

don't know whether u all face this difficulty that i always have.. i can't seem to come up with a proper conclusion to my posts. it is like something will come to mind, den i will blog abt it but den i can't seem to decide how to end it.. or solve it or resolve it. maybe it is just me.. and i will end on this note again.. *shrugs*

2005-04-09T01:36:00.000+08:00

me, yx and wl

2005-04-09T01:32:00.000+08:00

the brothers again.. this time at yongxian's bdae party at hooters'

2005-04-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

the brothers.. or miscellaneous..

2005-04-09T01:28:00.000+08:00

even his mum kept it from him..

2005-04-09T01:24:00.000+08:00

pleasantly surprised..

2005-04-09T01:22:00.000+08:00

this is near the merlion where the surprise was sprung on aikyong

2005-04-09T00:36:00.000+08:00

I am here to resuscitate my blog. I think it is dying liao but i wont blog 3 times a day la.. crazy.. is there so much to blog about? haha.

exams are over!! yay. sad. supposed to feel very happy lah but somehow didnt feel that happy lah. at least during the 3 weeks i was studying in school, i had a motive and goal to work towards to. and time was really well spent. and i had fun studying with my frens, having meals together, running, taking breaks in between, talking nonsense, testing each other.. "wats the treatment for listeria monocytogenes?" "wats tinsdale's medium used for?" "cotrimoxazole used to treat wat in mbt's notes?" haha.. now that everything is over, i feel a bit lost.. dunno wat to do.. dunno wat to look forward to.. and with extra free time comes idleness, idleness begets boredom, boredom begets wild thoughts, wild thoughts beget memories and memories beget sadness.. solution: sleep early, wake up late, run more.. in this way, i eat one less meal, i get plenty of rest, i get plenty of exercise and i get less time to idle around.

anyway lots of exciting things happened over the past month or so.. aik yong's surprise birthday party was a blast.. i think we totally stunned him when we all turned up at the merlion, and he was probably even more elated when x presented the birthday cake to him.. haha.. it was quite memorable, even for me cos i have not witnessed anything like that b4.. kudos to kezheng who planned everything from the banner to the execution of the plan.

just one week b4 the exams, i lost my wallet. and i didnt even know how i lost it. there are only 3 possibilities: 1. i was sleeping on the bus near the back on the upper deck and the wallet was on my bag on my lap and someone stole it. 2. i left it on the bus 3. i dropped it after i alighted.
quite traumatising cos everything was in the wallet, ic, driving licence, matric card, ezlink.. i didnt realise i lost it when i alighted bcos i bought bus concession and i dont need to tap when i alight ( doesnt make any diff if i tapped or not when i alight). there were 40 over bucks in it too..
only realised i lost it when i was about to go for lunch.. then i went to buona vista interchange to see if the bus driver picked up my wallet, called hougang interchange to check if they found any wallet, retraced my footsteps from the busstop to school, all to no avail.. was traumatised for the whole day, couldnt study very well too.. luckily, the next day nanyang police post called me to inform me that someone found my wallet.. relieved man.. although the cash was gone plus my cashcard (which has only a few cents in it) and my matric card.. still beats me as to why the person who found my wallet wants my matric card.. only reason i can think of is tt he thinks it is also a cashcard.. anyway i doubt the person who turned my wallet in is the same guy as the person who found it first.. thank God man.. i thought i wouldnt haf got it back.

attended 2 great easter's services too, one at arpc, the other one at raffles ballroom.. both were conducted by mike raiter and i think he is a really good speaker.. he is humorous, clear and he gets his points across very effectively..

and we celebrated yongxian's birthday a couple of days back at hooters' haha.. equally fun.. hmm shall not put up his birthday photos.. quite unflattering..

2005-03-18T23:50:00.000+08:00

my sis

2005-03-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

dining area

2005-03-18T23:36:00.000+08:00

my sis' room

2005-03-18T23:33:00.000+08:00

my room.. my bag.. my sweater.. my comp.. my bed

2005-03-18T23:31:00.000+08:00

me.. of cos.. and my new haircut

2005-03-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

童话
曲：光良
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忘了有多久再没听到你对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久我开始慌了
是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
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你要相信相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
我要变成童话里你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
我会变成童话里你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
一起写我们的结局
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went karaoke that day.. and fell in love with this song by guang liang.. go watch the mtv.. very sad yet very touching..
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i finally got myself a digicam.. yay, now can photoblog liao.. but i need to hone my photography skills a little first..

2005-03-13T03:48:00.000+08:00

wow, seems a terribly long time since i blogged..
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this week's cas were bad.. goodness knows how many questions i "tikamed" and got them wrong.. i am bracing myself for the worst for my microbio and patho cas.. but well, neuroscience results did perk me up a bit.. but i guess it perked up a lot of people too.. well at the end of the day it is a mere 5 percent or so.. still prof ong wei yi deserved some reward for being so kind to all of us.. overly kind in my opinion haha.. the neuroscience pros will probably be no more than a massive regurgitation of all that prof ong has covered today..
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check out the time i am blogging this. haha actually juz came back from a midnight movie outing with my 2 cousins and my sis.. probably one of my rare midnight movies.. Hitch was really hilarious.. haha.. enjoyed it thoroughly.. watched a couple of other shows recently, namely closer and sideways.. i think they are not really my cup of tea though they arent really that bad.. juz that i prefer simpler shows with simpler themes for simple minded and unsophisticated people..
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hooked to 1/2 yuan fen on channel 8.. cos i think rui en is cute and chen songling is very pretty haha.. and probably picked up many lessons from the show as well.. haha.. actually i have been thinking a lot about such stuff recently cos there is this guy who is going after my sis.. and she isnt very ready nor keen on developing a r/s with this guy.. so she had been turning him down for dates and stuff.. yet this guy is quite relentless and keeps on trying.. even made cookies for her and stuff.. how sweet rite? haha.. so my sis has been asking me how.. so i told her to make it clear to him how she feels.. i think he still hasnt given up.. i told my sis to ignore him and he will give up after some time.. my sis has been very vexed lor, to the point that she is finding it a chore to go to school and face him.. and she feels she is letting him down and not treating him fairly.. i told her there is no need to feel bad or reciprocate just because he has done so much.. hmmm.. i dunno.. ambivalence.. it feels different standing on this side of the fence with my sis.. different from that when you are standing on the other side of the fence trying to go after a girl.. but it does make things a bit clearer for me.. a r/s is about 2 people.. it takes 2 hands to clap.. it is not about someone trying so hard to capture the other person's heart and end up making the other person feel vexed and stressed.. it is also not about satisfying your own desires and doing things "for" him/her so that you yourself will feel good.. it is about mutual liking and respect. i guess i do learn things the hard way..
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wah tired liao.. tmr's programme includes going to the suntec IT show, junren's and qingyuan's 21st birthday parties.. oh sidenote, urs truly had also turned 21 not long ago haha.. time to be more mature liao haha.. k shall go sleep.. zzzzzzzzz

2005-02-18T23:16:00.000+08:00

some random thoughts..
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some things i just cannot fathom.. and i never will..
i believe in God's will for me..
God did everything for a purpose, sometimes one which is beyond human understanding..
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2005-02-16T15:33:00.000+08:00

seems a very long time since i last blogged. perhaps i have been too busy..
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had one of the most hectic chinese new years in my life.. visited the usual relatives on the first 2 days.. den friday i met my auntie and her children and grandchildren from china.. long story.. my mum's father had 2 wives, one in china and one in singapore.. so this aunt is my ah yi from china, borne by my china wai po.. whom i have never met in my life.. actually come to think of it, i have only met my maternal grandma.. and only up till 6 years old when she passed away.. the other 3 grandparents either died b4 my memory was established or they did so b4 i was born..
oh where was i? yup so they came to visit us.. apparently they are quite rich now, owning 3 factories in shenzhen and dongguan.. so my mum and my 2 jiu jiu (mum's younger brothers) and our families brought them around for the next 2 days.. sat we went to the bird park.. and sunday we brought them to sentosa.. had lots of good food this chinese new year because of them.. haha.. most farnie sight was when the 4 families all tried to foot the bill or buy admission tickets.. anyway had a really fun cny lah at the expense of my robbins, rang & dale, jawetz..
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think this coming ca confirmed screwed already.. i am so unprepared that i am having a laid back attitude to it now..
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sometimes u lose sight of what u set out to achieve.. den u go back to your old self and everything goes haywire.. like now.. need a lot of determination and divine intervention.. time to set things in order again.. anyway clinicals are starting soon, hopefully it will be a new start.. God willing..
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2005-02-05T01:12:00.000+08:00

i enjoy listening to sad songs.. i wonder why.. maybe i enjoy feeling sad and wallowing in self pity.. i think i am a pretty screwed up person..
and talking abt screwing up.. i think i really screwed up today.. i think my Broca's area is not very well-developed.. there is something abt me getting nervous and fumbling and tripping over my words for no good reason..
cas are one month away.. always try to tell myself not to place too much importance on the cas.. but somehow dont like the feeling of going into a ca unprepared and worse realising that u barely passed while the rest of the cohort are getting 70s and 80s..
having incoherent thoughts.. shall blog them if they can rearrange themselves somehow.. not very clear what i am thinking too.. have i said here b4 that i am a confused person??

2005-01-21T15:19:00.000+08:00

hmm think it is a bit belated.. but still i am quite happy that the lions won their match against indonesia on sunday.. heh we guys had a great time cheering for the lions and shouting ourselves hoarse.. but it was fun.. i think i havent witnessed such an atmosphere ever since the malaysia cup days.. the tix were sold out within 2 days and the stadium was a sight to behold on sunday.. 55,000 fans majority dressed in red.. the kallang waves.. the cries of "ole, ole", "referee kayu", " we want goal".. it had been a long wait but the lions have finally given us something to cheer about.. never mind the 2010 target la, i think that was an impossible dream from the start.. think Asian cup more realistic.. hope they build on this success, build on this core of young players to achieve greater heights!
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tuesday was my mum's 46th bdae.. birthdays have always been low-key affairs for my family la.. no big parties and stuff.. juz 4 of us.. a simple meal.. well wishes. so it was the same this yr.. perhaps the only thing diff was that i bought a birthday cake for my mum this yr.. haha very unfilial hor? guilty, guilty.. took me 20 yrs to buy my mum a birthday cake.. but i hope she enjoyed it.. it was a tiramisu cake from a shop beside Bread Papa's at taka.. not bad..
wouldnt say that my relationship with my mum was a smooth one these 20 yrs.. but i am beginning to accept her for the way she is and trying to understand her more.. she is the disciplinarian type who believes in keeping a tight rein on me and my sis.. yup even till now.. so it is hard not to be frustrated.. and she can really be unreasonable at times.. but i think i just got to live with it lor.. i dont think it is a defeatist(?) or subservient attitude, rather i feel that a little tolerance, a little respect, a little understanding can go a long way in improving relationships.. so i am trying to do that now and i think things have improved a lot recently.. and even though she keeps nagging at me, i am aware that she cares for me.. like that day she paid hundred over bucks for 2 t-shirts for me w/o batting an eyelid.. and she is always asking if i have enough to spend.. yup i am contented and grateful..
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on the note of birthdays, i think a lot of people around me will be celebrating their 21st birthdays this yr.. haha just received one from pris and shumin. smart huh celebrate together haha.. wah but the invitation card was intricately made by shumin.. very nice heh but no thanks for all the glitter.. my bag is full of glitter now, the same goes for my pencil case, my robbins and my notes..
anyway dont think my bdae will be a grand affair la.. firstly i dont have the habit of celebrating my bdaes, too troublesome.. to me it is just another day haha.. secondly, the week after my bdae is ca3 so i wont be in the mood to organise a party or anything haha.. yup i know it is a once in a lifetime thing but well maybe i am juz antisocial..
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selamat hari raya haji. enjoy the weekend!

2005-01-15T01:05:00.000+08:00

was reading hope's blog which led me to read the famous xiaxue blog.. and read her christmas day blog abt christianity and stuff..
thought i shud comment a little since i think i also had misconceptions abt christianity b4.. and i think most non christians do haf a lot of misconceptions abt chrisitianity..
firstly i think there is no way to pass any judgment abt christianity if one doesnt know what the faith is all about.. and knowledge of the religion doesnt mean sources like one's friends, relatives, dubious atheist websites etc.. den again i wouldnt expect any nonbelieving person to peruse the whole bible to see whether the faith is true..
well i think the most impt thing is that one shud try to be as unbiased as possible when examining the faith.. if one already has a fixed mindset that christianity is a whole pack of lies and made up fairy tales, den i think he/she is in no position to judge or pass comment on the faith since he/she has long made up his/her mind abt the issue..
religion is a touchy feely thing.. and i wasnt sure i wanted to talk abt my faith when i started this blog.. but it(christianity, God) had become an impt part of my life so it is not quite possible to leave it entirely out of my blog..
no one can be one hundred percent sure that the faith is true.. because apparently no one living now has ever seen Christ.. and no He doesnt appear in our dreams to convert us.. nor does He appear in some mysterious settings to proclaim the faith to us.. but it is not entirely blind faith, though i would agree that it does require a giant leap of faith, because there are historical evidence to prove Christ's existence and the bible's credibility..
of course there are many things that still cannot be fully explained or accounted for.. like Earth's creation, the existence of dinosaurs and stuff.. but yup with a tinge of biasness and blind faith, who can be really sure when the earth was created and when the dinosaurs roamed the earth? if we havent seen Christ, then we definitely havent seen dinosaurs and mammoths before.. on the other hand, we cannot be hundred percent sure that the Old Testament is true abt earth's creation and stuff..
so it is indeed a controversial issue..
the popular argument against christianity is why has God allowed sufferings and wars and sadness to exist on Earth? again, it is not possible to pass such a comment if one does not have knowledge of God (well for nonbelievers, the God portrayed in the bible).. well throughout the bible, disasters, floods, wars, famines and droughts had been described so God doesnt exactly prevent these from happening, though that doesnt mean he is powerless to do so.. and God is a fearsome and just God who judges and punishes people for their wrongdoings.. there can be no proper explanation for why God has allowed all these to happen, including the recent tsunami.. one explanation could be that God has decided to punish us for our sins.. and that doesnt mean that those who died in the tsunami are sinful people or nonbelievers cos the tsunami wiped out everyone regardless of race or religion.. essentially, if God is that entity that governs all things and creates all things, who are we to question his purpose and who are we who can know what he is thinking since his knowledge is above us all.. so yup again, there is no answer la.. only more questions..
so what made me take the big leap?
a few factors..
1. christianity provided me with an answer to my existence on earth.. i think there is a reason why we are here.. and a reason why the trees, the stars and the sun and the moon and everything else exist.. they cannot possibly appear from no where and for no purpose..
2. i cannot agree more with how the bible has described human nature and sin.. we are all in this same hopeless state.. we are all selfish beings.. we are sinful.. and no matter how much good we do, we are incapable of erasing the wrong things we have done.. and i havent seen a single person who hasnt done a bad deed or harbour an evil thought in his life.. perhaps meeting such a person might change my view about christianity..
3. i am convinced that the bible is true based on historical evidence.. ermm at least i am convinced that the new testament is true.. that jesus existed.. he performed miracles.. he is the messiah.. he is God's son from heaven.. he was crucified and he resurrected.. and i choose to believe that the old testament is true too..
4. christianity has given me new hope and peace in my life.. hope in that there is a sovereign God that watches over me and provides assurance of my salvation.. peace in that i may not brood and worry about worldly things..
5. christianity has made me a better person.. since accepting God's grace, i think i love my family more, i treasure my friends more and i feel more obliged to help others, to be more generous and to consider others' feelings before my own..
some people have told me that they must see God or see some miracle in their lives first before they believe.. i think the former will never happen.. the latter.. well.. i believe God works out small miracles in our lives everyday.. juz that we might not notice it or acknowledge it..
God's plans for each and everyone of us are unfathomable and indeed many things in life cant be explained simply.. some things just happen.. if God has chosen you to be among the saved, then u will be saved.. sometimes i still cant believe that i am a christian.. not that i doubt God or anything.. but i just marvel at how God has changed my heart and made me believe through various circumstances and means..
well all in all to each his own la, i respect all other religions and i have never once despised my other friends and relatives who are nonbelievers.. so i also ask the same of u la.. to respect and not pass misconceived and hateful remarks about christianity..
thought i would end off by saying this, which i read somewhere, that i would rather live my life assuming there is a God and die finding out there is none.. than live my life believing that there is no God and die finding out that there is one..

2005-01-13T05:16:00.000+08:00

I finally passed my driving!!
phew.. no more dreaded trips to paya lebar.. no more circuits.. no more naggings and suanings from my driving instructor.. and most importantly, no further spending on driving lessons.
the test was a smooth and enjoyable one.. credit to the tester mr sng, cos he didnt once stop talking to me once we got on the car..
some of the things he said:
that he will tell me ahead the route so that i can plan ahead.. he said driving is about taking preventive measures.. and that the test is not to trick us but to show the tester that we are competent drivers..
then somewhere he asked me what i am doing now.. and that started the whole comparison of driving to medicine, physiology and what not.. "driving and medicine are the same.. u start with a problem.. u make a diagnosis then u give the prescription.." "driving is preventive medicine, u must plan ahead and take preventive measures before the thing happens.."
the most funny thing was that he started to analyse my personality.. asked me what i intended to do after my 5 yr course.. i told him i havent given it much thought.. but he insisted that i would have some interests somewhere.. so i just said general practice and anesthesiology and maybe surgery.. guess what he said," u know i can actually tell what field of medicine u are going into by looking at the way u drive.. u are the kind of person who does not plan ahead, does not like to think too much so that is why u chose easier specialties like gp and anesthesiology.." okay fair enough.. not a pretty good comment but still, i was quite amused.. then.. " are you the first son in your family?" "yes.. how do you know?" "i can tell.. (forgot what he said)" "it is a coincidence la.. haha." "no.. it is not.." really forgotten how he had derived that..
talked about loads of other things too.. he is a christian too, so he told me about his ministries, his missionary trips.. talked about the education system, politics..
i think he talked to me so much that i was not fully focussed on my driving.. but it calmed me down a lot and i was able to drive normally..
and yes, my internet is up and running again.. has been down for a couple of weeks cos of some stupid bug that crept into my system.. so i cannot blog, cannot use msn messenger, cannot check mail.. irritiating..
school has started again after a 4 week hiatus.. more like a study break for me.. anyway sem 2 is real short.. 6 to 7 wks i guess.. and we will be preparing for yr 3.. time does fly rite?

2004-12-30T17:34:00.000+08:00

I am tired of studying.. cholangitis, cholelithiasis, neoplasms, polyps.. juz floating around in front of me while my minds drifts and drifts further and further away.. but still i am thankful that i am still alive and kicking and thinking and breathing and studying and eating.. whenever i see the images being shown on tv these few days and read about the rising death toll in the papers, i just feel that whatever problems i had really pale in comparison.. cas, relationships, work, tiredness.. why am i complaining when i have had it so good here?
i am contented with the life i have right now, and i know that as long as i am still living, no problem is so big that it cannot be resolved..
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i am happy.
=)
i realise that it is the little gestures and events that touch me and make me happy.. and i am indeed happy and contented.. never mind the things that have happened so long ago.. i am juz glad..
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it has indeed been an eventful year for me.. and a most incredible journey..
uphills and downhills.. joy, sorrow, surprise, hope, disappointment..
perhaps everything had been too smooth before.. so 2004 has brought me back into reality.. that i live in a harsh world.. and that not all your dreams will come true and not everything will happen your way.. in fact nothing ever happens your way..
it has been a year of self discovery.. realising my frailties and imperfectness..
it is a year of getting reconciled with God.. and indeed God's plans and thoughts are unfathomable by us and we are all juz a tiny part of this galaxy he has built and we are all created for His purpose.. 2004 will always be remembered for this..
if i were asked to choose a year to keep out of the 20 yrs i have had, then i would certainly choose this yr to keep.. it has been a memorable year and a life-changing one.. pity it had to end this way though..
i pray for a better year ahead and for help to arrive quickly for the tsunami victims..

2004-12-28T10:32:00.000+08:00

should be mugging right now but i am suffering from ptosis.. and its only 11 am or so.. just read mycobacteria.. sian.. so many tiny tiny insignificant bacteria.. to study or not to study?

while we are caught up in our tiny world of robbins and jawetz and notes, thousands of people are hanging on for their dear lives in many parts of south asia.. and for every dead person, there are many more who are grieving.. so much for technology.. so much for the prowess of man.. i think we have overestimated our abilities.. for as long as man have existed, we are still as vulnerable and helpless as before..

and so much for my ramblings here in peaceful singapore, there is nothing much i can do except pray a silent prayer for the thousands who are suffering right now.. and to go back to my tiny cubicle and be shut out from this world..

2004-12-25T01:50:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!

shall keep this post short cos i am rather tired now..

another wonderful christmas party.. this time at my uncle's house.. great food.. superb cheese cake.. and great great fun playing with my nephews and nieces (my cousins' children) some of whom are a good 10 yrs younger than me.. i think i became just a little more childish today.. sometimes at this age it feels good to be a 10 yr old child again.. i feel rejuvenated!
i think i had been too serious and uptight all these yrs.. it feels gd to juz let go and haf fun and not care abt wat others may think or say.. childish? so be it.. hee.. sure beats sitting in one corner, watching tv, acting mature and being a wet blanket..

this festive season has really eaten deep into my reserves.. dunno whether i can survive the next mth or so.. got lots of stuff to buy leh.. new clothes.. cut hair.. driving.. present for my mum.. going out with friends.. hmm but i think i had a gd mix of work, play and study this past month.. shall not bother too much abt the money.. anyway i juz bought myself a new bible for christmas.. heh i think spiritual food is sth worth investing in.. quite happy with my buy..

2004 coming to an end liao.. so fast.. what a pity.. sometimes i feel like reliving the year again.. it has been one hell of a rollercoaster...

2004-12-19T23:08:00.000+08:00

I think i quite like the new blog layout. found it at blogskins.. realised most of the skins are very feminine.. think i belong to an endangered species of males who blog..

haiz i accidentally deleted the haloscan thingy while changing my blog layout.. and i dun tink i will put it back.. cos i suffer frm commentophobia haha.. sometimes i am afraid that the things i say will offend someone or make some people feel awkward.. so without the feedback thing, i am spared the agony of wondering whether or not my ramblings are well received.. well, humans are self-deceiving creatures and i am just one of them.

the new background is a bit gloomy.. wanted to find something more cheery which reflects my mood now but couldnt find one that i like.. anyway i quite like this one.. i like the colour combination and the overall feel.. maybe it explains my character huh.. nostalgic, dreamy, worrisome.. i also like the road in the middle of the picture and the silhouette of the person in it.. well sort of depicts my life at the moment.. me treading down this path that God has set out for me.. He never promised it to be easy.. but the bible calls me to persevere and stay on the path.. this path to salvation and eternal life..

saturday was punj christmas party.. one word. awesome! yah it was that good.. the best and the most meaningful christmas party i ever had in my life.. i hope there will be many more to come..
in a nutshell, the party was about fun, food and fellowship.. and of course Jesus..
we certainly had loads of fun playing games, catching up with one another and getting to know newcomers among our midst.. it really felt that we were one big family.. the warmth and hospitality made me feel at home.. thank God for arpc and punj without which my Christian walk would not have been so smooth thus far..
and of cos there was a lot of good food.. pastries, pizzas, pies, fried rice, bee hoon, chicken wings, cakes.. the tiramisu cake by siwei was especially good.. tastes just like those u find in bakeries.. kevin's pastries too..
the talk by Lincoln was very thought provoking and encouraging at the same time.. indeed Christmas is not just a festival abt parties, catching up with friends, gift exchanging.. the true meaning of christmas lies in the name itself.. it is abt Christ.. it is abt Christ being sent down frm heaven to complete His Father's job of reconciling us to Him.. that we, in nature sinners and rotten and unable to save ourselves by our doings and efforts, have been made right because of Christ..
Christmas being round the corner, i juz pray that God will enable me to grow in faith, obedience and maturity.. and that i will submit totally to Him and live a life that is worthy of Him, one that is other people centred.. i also hope to have a brand new start to the year, to put everything behind me, to look forward to the new year.. 2005 will be a better year.

2004-12-12T22:18:00.000+08:00

had a great day today..
had a picnic cum breakfast cum lunch with my bs group plus tim burton and his wife (they were speakers at the recent punj-youth group camp).. quite ok la had a lot of food and chatted quite a bit.. but somehow i feel i am not very close to my bs group pple.. maybe it is because i joined the group quite late and only attended the last few sessions..
i also hope to be more involved in punj activities and hang out with the punj guys after service for dinner and fellowship but i risk incurring the wrath of my mum who already thinks that i am spending too much time at church and less time at home.. so i am a bit at a loss.. but i am grateful that i am still able to attend church every saturday.. thank God.. =)
attended another church today.. i will say that i am glad i went bcos i feel very blessed that i am attending a very good church (as in arpc) which is truly faithful to the bible.. it is not that the church that i went today was very bad.. in my opinion any church that preaches God's word is a good one.. and this church that i went to definitely has the ability to attract thousands of people and spread the word to many people.. so that is not a bad thing. its juz that i feel that the focus seems to be a bit off.. that it is focussing more on trusting in God's grace to achieve prosperity and health.. again tts not really wrong cos we should depend on God for everything.. its juz that i think christianity's main focus should not be about attaining things for self fulfilment.. ok la i shud shut up liao.. anw zy if u are reading this, dun be too offended k.. its a personal preference thingy.. i think doesnt really matter as long as one is sure of his faith..
on the way home i told zy that my life has been truly changed since accepting Christ.. he agrees with me that there has also been more purpose in his existence here.. quite glad to hear that.. juz want to say that knowing Christ and his work on the cross has been a real comfort to me especially in times of sadness and helplessness.. it is very comforting to know that there is a higher being up there whom i can turn to in times of trouble and that He is always there for me.. so last time i used to worry about relationships, get anxious abt cas and exams, worry abt money etc etc.. i realise now that all these are juz so umimportant as compared to the ultimate relationship with God.. i also believe that God will always provide a way out for me no matter how hard or impossible the situation i am in.. God didnt promise us an easy journey in our Christian life but he did promise us a paradise and a huge reward, far greater than any thing, at the end of our journey.. i am really glad God has found me and i haf accepted Him in my life..

2004-12-05T13:38:00.000+08:00

I COMPLETED MY MARATHON!!
euphoria man.. really.. no words can most appropriately describe my feelings when i step on the mat and cross the finishing line.. wah still feeling quite high.. although my muscles are aching, my head is in a spin, my soles are blistering..
it was an experience beyond my wildest imagination.. but it wasn't all smooth la..
first 10km or so were pretty ok.. i was able to do it at a comfortable pace.. slightly below an hr for 10km..
den the next 10 km.. still alright.. 2hrs..
den 26km or so fatigue sets in.. my pace slowed down a bit.. my left shoulder hurt.. my muscles were aching.. but i was still running..
30 to 33 km really knocked out already.. juz barely hanging in there.. pace was at best slightly faster than a brisk walk.. this was the infamous "wall" that is well-known in running circles.. and it was bad.. real bad.. i started wondering why i was doing this.. i wanted to carry on running.. my legs were protesting.. they finally persuaded me to walk la.. after i stopped to drink some water.. i juz started walking.. and i couldn't stop walking..
36 km onwards.. it was no longer juz fatigue.. my legs started cramping real badly.. so began the cycle of run cramp walk, run cramp walk.. last 9 km really killer man..
woah when i saw the 41 km mark and then the 42 km mark i was damn glad it was over.. last 200 m it felt juz the way u see it during olympics.. the final stretch to the finishing line was juz in front of the old city hall, flanked by 2 rows of supporters.. wah tt part feels really good haha.. but a slight blip la.. i cramped again juz before the finishing mat.. so i had to hobble my way across the finishing line..
anw i think the singapore marathon record of 2:18 was broken this yr.. broken by quite a few guys i heard.. the first guy came in at 2hr15mins i think.. anw mine was 4hr42mins plus la.. so he could haf run 84 km for my timing haha.. the african runners are crazy people, i tell u.. they run the marathon the way i run my 2.4km.. wahliao respect man.. its a joy to watch them run, their strides and all..
quite satisfied with my timing la though i haf set myself an unrealistic target of 4hrs.. i think finishing it was already quite an accomplishment for me.. got a finisher's tee and medal too.. next yr i will try for a better time.. this yr towards the end, lose a bit of discipline.. din train much for the one mth leading to the marathon.. luckily wat i did before this period was enough to carry me to the 33 km mark, if not i may not haf completed it haha..
thank God for everything.. for keeping me safe and helping me to complete the run.. =)

2004-12-04T21:43:00.000+08:00

juz came online to update my post juz in case i dont make it tmr.. haha touch wood.. yeah the moment i am waiting for.. the race i haf prepared for so long.. is happening in abt hrs plus time.. damn excited man.. i really hope i can complete it.. oh anw i bought a new set of running attire to give myself a bit more motivation.. quite satisfied with my buy.. got quite a good deal =) jialat i realised shopping can be quite addictive.. there were so many things i wanted to buy yesterday at queensway.. luckily i controlled myself.

the cg thing is really a mess.. all ard me i juz see pple scrambling to form their grps.. some pple are happy.. some are not.. well all i want to say is that sometimes we should think more abt other people than be too preoccupied with our own selfish desires.. den perhaps there will be less unhappiness la.. and a lot of things often will not turn out our way so we juz haf to accept it la.. and watever grps we are in, we should be satisfied and try to get along with the people in our respective cgs..

oh how can i forget about singapore idol.. overall i thought the whole series was very very good, much better than i expected.. initially i thought it would juz be another talentime competition.. din expect it to be so successful.. glad that taufik won but in the end i think both sly and taufik are winners in their own right la.. both haf improved heaps and bounds since the audition rounds.. i hope both will establish niches of their own and make it big.. looking forward to their first albums..

sermon today was conducted by john chapman.. he was super humorous and interesting.. i enjoyed it thoroughly.. thought it was a bit too short though.. anw glad that both kw and zw came.. hope that u two will continue to come for service ya? maybe check out punj when new studies begin?

muz go sleep liao.. rest my body for the big day =) check out this space!

2004-11-26T22:17:00.000+08:00

its a totally fun day today..
went for anat grp outing at settlers' cafe after lectures.. i think it was much more fun than i had expected.. initially thought that it was juz some board games.. din expect that i would haf so much fun.. haha but its all thanks to all my anat grp classmates! without them it wouldnt haf been half as fun.. we played taboo.. played jenga.. some bomb-o card game.. and there is this boardgame dunno wat it is called.. which we get to build bridges and our pawns aka dragons are supposed to cross the river to the opp side.. really had fun.. dont mind going back there again.. and it is quite cheap too..

tues was sandra's (a church friend) bdae.. so nice of her to invite me and shijie to her party even though we haf only known each other for a few mths.. so after some mugging in sch, we went to jurong point to get sth for her.. finally settled for a giraffe soft toy pencil case which looks quite similar to the dirty pig pencil case tt shijie has.. haha.. but its quite cute.. party was a blast.. had lots of nice food.. and its vietnamese food somemore.. my first time eating them.. not bad la.. for more vivid descriptions of how nice the food were.. pls go to shijie's blog accessible frm my sidebar on the left =)

really dunno wat is taking the microb dept so long to mark our ca scripts.. and furthermore they are juz optical mark sheets.. not that i am that eager to get back my results la but i juz wanted to get the matter off the back of my head.. and i juz heard tt we might not get back our pharmaco results until yr 3.. tts totally absurd la.. and why arent they going thru the answers with us? then how do we know which qns we answered wrongly? then wat is the whole purpose of cas? really dunno wat the profs are thinking..

these few wks feel a little bit like i am playing survivor.. haha dunno whether u all get this feeling.. but i juz feel that this forming of clinical grps thingy is somewhat like that in survivor where u form alliances.. but i think it is inevitable la once we are allowed to form our own grps of 2s and 3s.. cliques will be broken up into smaller grps and some people are bound to be less happy than the others.. for me, i am really glad that i found someone who lives relatively close to me, who can motivate me to study, who is disciplined, sincere to friends and is like a big brother to me.. looking forward to clinical yrs.. when we can finally pretend to be doctors.. haha.

2004-11-21T14:30:00.000+08:00

heh i am becoming sort of a weekend blogger.. so dun bother checking my blog on weekdays.. it will most probably not be updated unless sth really exciting happens and the possibility of that happening is very remote haha..
anw i had a gd wk i would say.. minus the part that i din study and i am feeling terribly guilty.. havent been conscientiously studying since the cas.. i think i muz find the momentum back again..
my running form is also terrible.. i ran a grand total of ard 12 km in 2 weeks.. i think i ran much more than that during the ca weeks.. this is definitely not marathon form and i am dead worried.. luckily i signed up for a 10km run which took place this morning.. not bad la.. ran with jp.. it is always a good thing to have someone to run with and with a runner like jp, i got to push myself a lot to keep up with him.. clocked a reasonably good time, in fact its the best 10 km time i have ever done.. happy! 2 more weeks to marathon..
feel more relaxed this week.. i think the mahjong sessions, the evening drinking session at wala wala and the car show did me a whole world of good.. but also spent a lot la..
car show was great.. went on thurs with yx,jp and zy.. enjoyed myself thoroughly.. saw many nice cars.. but well can see only la.. can touch also but cannot buy haha.. anyway i havent even got my license sob.. but we already planned what cars we are getting next time liao.. alfa romeo gt, mazda8, lexus sc430, maserati quattroporte, rolls royce phantom and lamborghini murcielago.. haha i think in our wildest dreams la..
i think there are certain things in life that i still havent given up since accepting Christ.. keep giving myself excuses.. i am determined to get rid of them for good and be a good testimony to Christ.. i think my pastor puts it best: as Christians we ought to be wet blankets and party poopers and lead a different life from the rest..
havent been keeping in touch with some of you recently but i do hope u all are getting along well and making the most of your lives.. have a great week ahead!

2004-11-15T14:47:00.000+08:00

5 days passed really quickly and i havent even managed to do anything.. haf juz been rotting away at home..
marathon is 3 wks away and i barely ran like 5 km last week..
at least it was a well deserved rest after all the exertions during the ca weeks. but i hope i can find some zest and drive soon..
sat we talked abt parent-children relationships.. the part abt non-christian parents was especially pertinent to me. sometimes i do feel that i have let them down in some way.. don't think they are particularly happy abt me going to church but i am grateful that there havent been any major conflicts and they have had no violent objections.. i am now treading on a thin line between portraying the right idea of my faith and trying to appease them by doing the things they do..
but i am sure things will work out well..
shall go swim later.. hopefully the rain will stop..
and muz do pbl.. and tidy up my things
it's back to sch tmr..

2004-11-07T10:05:00.000+08:00

yeah hello!! sorry to those who haf been reading my blog.. a lot to blog abt but no time to do so cos surprise , surprise got CAs.. wat else can it be rite? med fac is all abt studying for cas and then forgetting everything that we haf learned.. bioavailablity of ganciclovir? adverse effects of NSAIDs? symptoms of hantavirus infection? huh??

but i haf to say it has been a really good week for me.. thank God =)

1. well first the not so gd news.. i failed my driving test. 40 pts.. actually i wanted to go on a tirade abt the tester and his ticking of the boxes like there is no tmr.. but after some self evaluation, i think i prob didnt give him a lot of confidence abt my driving so he decided he din want to pass me..
quite screwed up.. first 2 stations in circuit i already fumbled.. upslope i rolled back a bit and kancheong, quickly stepped on accelerator.. die liao..
den 2nd station, direction change.. ey.. how come cannot reverse.. release clutch more.. step on accelerator more.. sth wrong wif car? orh.. never change to reverse gear.. wah pengz!! i noe i die liao.. but i remained calm and did the remaining 4 stations very smoothly.. only got 6 pts in circuit.. but i tink i already left a bad impression.. so though i think i din make any serious mistakes outside the circuit, he could still pick out every little thing and fail me..
nvm la, when u fail, try, try and try again..

2. never knew u can gain so much satisfaction frm helping someone.. yup i felt damn happy after helping someone on my way home.. glad that i made someone's day a bit easier and happier. helped to ease a bit of the disappointment of failing the driving test too hahs..

3. woah.. this one muz blog.. my cousin got 74 for his maths exam. first time he ever cross the 70 mark loh.. last time he rarely even cross 60 marks one.. i felt really proud of him when i heard his results.. perhaps the paper was easy la but even then it was a big achievement for him.. its also very encouraging for me cos at last i know tt my exasperated efforts at telling him to work hard and haf belief in himself had not gone to waste.. really happy.. should get sth for him.. wonder wat to get him though..

4. CAs finally over! again i muz say that the CAs' importance is seriously overrated.. actually i felt quite relaxed in the build up to this week's CA prob cos i already studied them once b4.. haha but i still cant remember much on sat itself.. i dont think i will do well for immuno and microb.. took the gamble for too many qns and got them wrong.. i juz hope i pass.. anything more than that is bonus.. agree with shijie tt it suddenly feels weird now tt there is no ca to study for.. well fret not, jan we will haf another one haha.. not looking forward to it..

5. after cas, i went wif shijie, di and zy to holland v nydc to eat.. and guess wat? we saw the singapore idol guys.. yup all 5 of them.. sly, taufik, olinda, leandra and daphne.. exciting! can't believe our luck.. we were juz sitting next to them.. after much indecision abt whether or not to go up to them to ask for their autographs, we finally did la.. damn paiseh la.. never done this b4 in my entire life.. anyway it was for my sis la, she's all crazy over sylvester.. u can imagine her reaction when i passed her the autographs, esp when she saw sly's comments and well wishes for her Os..

6. church was great! we discussed abt marriage, dating and relationships .. very thought provoking.. esp the part abt christians dating non christians.. i think as a non christian it is very hard to understand y christians are so inflexible and particular abt this.. well i know bcos i haf been there done that.. so now i haf crossed camp (hmm a crude way of putting things) and i think i understand a bit better abt the reason and wisdom behind it.. but i am still not very sure where i stand on this issue la.. i hope i never get into that kind of dilemma.. cos i m already having enough problems reconciling wif the fact that my parents are non christians.. hopefully the workshop next wk will put things into perspective
saw sth at communion today.. hope it is wat i think it is.. really witnessing the grace and kindness of God.. happy for tt person!

7. finally thanks to shijie, di, zy, p and yx for making my saturday a wonderful one.. havent had so much fun for a long time.. and to the rest, take care and enjoy.. rock on!

2004-10-17T01:26:00.000+08:00

road relay was good.. i really enjoyed it.. though got a tiny bit of complication midway.. cos the m4s were leading after the first leg so we decided to send our best runners instead of sticking to the original formation.. so Hope took over me loh.. i was perfectly alright with it loh cos i noe i wasnt a very gd runner and anw i ran for the other team and it was satisfying nonetheless.. i juz hope wl doesnt feel too bad abt it.. oh yah our first team came in first la and second team came in fourth with me anchoring haha.. damn lousy la.. i got a bit of lead but got overtaken at the turning point.. but that guy was damn gd la..

i am quite worried for the cas but who isnt? maybe the worry is a bit uncalled for la.. i m sure when the results come out most pple will do fine one.. sometimes we give ourselves too much stress..

i went thru my past entries that day.. a lot of emotion and feelings.. i still remembered the time i started this blog.. never ever was i so down and depressed.. felt so lonely and so helpless.. but He gave me hope..
it is hard to forget.. really.. those were the good times when i truly felt that this will be it.. the one.. maybe i was too simplistic then.. too naive.. i was a dreamer.. in a way, i still am now..
sometimes i felt if i have done things differently, the ending would not have been the same.. i wish i could go back in time.

i want to relive those moments.. those "first times".. there were so many.. it felt so good then, i thought there will never be a second one.. perhaps there never will be..

i have changed a lot between now and back when i started this blog.. maybe time has healed the wounds.. but perhaps the more impt factor is that i am beginning to see things frm a different perspective after embracing Christianity.. that not everything is abt "me", "myself" and "I".. that not everything must turn out your way.. if only i haf realised this earlier..

i am really happy with the way my life is now.. i have gotten over it.. most of it.. my heart still aches sometimes.. memories still come back..

a lot has changed.. a lot hasnt too.. if given a second chance, i want to do it all over again..

2004-10-10T02:00:00.000+08:00

hmm dunno wat i am doin also.. its 2 am and i am not sleeping.. always happens when i come online.. chat on msn.. check mail.. surf net.. check soccernet scores.. and time juz flies by.
and time does fly.. coming close to 3 mths since i made the decision to follow Christ.. and i got to say that every saturday and indeed everyday i am learning more and more of the greatest person that lived.. last yr this time, i was still living my own wretched life my way, my will and fulfilling my own selfish desires.. there was no God whatsoever.. at that time i believed i came to this world out of nothing, and when i die i will juz disappear frm the surface of the world.. so in fact i was, aptly put by my pastor, living a life of nothingness.. and i never ever thought that i would believe..
anw due to various circumstances and God's grace and will, and through 2 very impt people and arpc and punj, i am living a much more purposeful life now.. still a sinner nonetheless and ever prone to make mistakes and deviate frm the righteous path God has set for me.. but i will learn and mature in my Christian walk with God's grace and help of course..
very grateful that 2 of u, u noe who u are la, brought me to punj.. if not for u taking that first step to ask me, i would not have eventually believed. so really do not be afraid to tell others abt the gd news bcos there are people out there to be saved and can be saved.. at least thru my own experience, all 3 non christians in my "just looking" class have believed now.. and i really think that with an open mind and heart, the reality of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross is so great and incredible that one will eventually be touched and believe in him.
well juz thought abt sharing this with u cos i think it has truly been a life changing experience for me.. and definitely the most significant thing that will ever occur to me in my life.. this is also my testimony to all the non-believers who are reading this.. my humble little way of spreading the good word.. well i think this counts too rite? heh..
its 2.50am now.. muz go sleep liao.. =)

2004-10-08T21:43:00.000+08:00

woah super long never blog liao.. well damn busy lah.. kancheong already.. CA coming.. den got so many things to do..
driving lessons.. stepping up the frequency.. cos test coming soon.. abt same time as ca.. superb loh.. but i really hope to pass first time.. cos the lessons are burning a giant hole in my pocket.. den muz buy stethoscope somemore.. i think i shud be buying the classic la.. no point buying so expensive one.. later i blur leave it lying ard or sth.. if i doing paeds rotation den see how la..
most of my sec 4 tutees did ok for their prelims.. the only one who din make the cut is my sis.. she quite jialat ah.. now i am making notes for her chem and physics while making notes for my pharmaco and microb etc.. stress man.. stress from my mum.. but really hope my sis does well for Os la though there is only up to a limit wat i can do for her, the rest is up to her own effort..
dunno y my comments link suddenly disappear.. farnie.. anw u all want to leave comments can juz msg me thru msn or sth or email me.. or juz read n "appreciate" (this word sounds very familiar rite? it is the most used word by ng yee kong, the anat lecturer..)
oh yah and i am running.. haha wats new rite? well wanted to blog abt ahm one but it was quite forgettable.. timing exactly same as last yr.. next sat got intrafac road relay.. pretty excited abt it.. i did a reasonably gd time this morning.. den i juz went for a 2hr25min jog in the evening.. super shagged.. i think i did like 40 plus km this wk.. haha must haolian abit.. after all u all cant leave comments haha..
today quite slack ah din study much.. nvm there is a chinese saying that taking a break allows one to go a further distance.. so yup u guys dont mug too much also k.. sometimes must relax too..
ok gd luck guys.. wont be blogging for some time.. take care!

2004-09-25T21:45:00.000+08:00

happy today..
3 things
half marathon is tmr.. 8 hours away to be exact.. i am quite excited abt it.. i hope i meet my target timing.. but i won't be too disappointed if i don't.. its the process that counts mah.. i am running with the punj guys.. its gonna be fun!
oh and i juz carbo loaded.. i am feeling extremely bloated now.. ate a big bowl of spaghetti and i also help eat some of my sis' and mum's horfun cos they can't finish.. if u all din noe, i am the family's rubbish bin la anything they can't finish i will eat.. and i had a banana too.. shud provide enough energy for my 21km tmr..
today's talk at smu ficus bistro cafe was good.. abt God and our ambitions.. made a lot of sense to me.. in a way it answered my question previously on what we are working so hard for.. and learnt that personal achievement and glorification count for nothing before God..
i am thoroughly encouraged today.. cos z came to the talk after i told him abt it and he is attending just looking next wk.. really glad he is open to it and i am sure God will reveal himself to him and hope that he will come to noe of christ and accept him.
tt day during pharmaco lecture, i came up with this idea leh.. lets say there is this drug which is quite expensive and it is metabolised mainly by CYP3A4.. so can i take one quarter of the prescribed dose and den drink lets say a glass of pomelo or grapefruit juice? logical right? haha..

shall haf an early night.. maybe blog abt the run tmr.
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Don't let yesterday's disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrw's dreams...

2004-09-21T23:28:00.000+08:00

staring at my dengue notes but nothing is going in.. how are we supposed to remember each and every symptom and complication related to every virus? i hate viruses.. and pharmaco..

i suddenly realise friendships are very transient.. i am not saying there are no lifelong friendships.. but i juz feel that throughout my life, i have made new friends, i have also lost contact with many of them.. even in the course of a few months, i feel i have grown closer to some friends and drifted away from some of them.. well dunno wat point i am trying to make.. juz feel that some things are shaped by circumstances and no one can predict what will happen in the future.. i hope we treasure the people around us and never take them for granted..

things do change.. haha obviously.. but it suddenly juz occurred to me how much things can change in such a short span of time.. changes to myself.. to people around me.. its amazing.. i do hope the changes are for the better but think we ought to retain a part of ourselves too.. and to remain true to ourselves..

sometimes u don't realise how much one person's actions or words can affect another person's moods or thoughts or feelings.. so perhaps we ought to be more sensitive to other people's feelings and try not to do things that will upset them.. but then again, it is quite hard trying to please other people, especially when u compromise on ur own emotions and feelings..
i hope i have not upsetted too many people, unknowingly or not..

there is still this knot i cannot untie.. i have given up untying it la.. i did try my best.. i leave the rest to God.

thinking too much again.. lao mao bing.. better go sleep..

2004-09-18T01:08:00.000+08:00

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save:
Til on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Til He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand!

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indeed, nothing has power over me except Christ alone.. and that the only true hope and true comfort is in him.. my faith is in him forever.

2004-09-13T22:27:00.000+08:00

hey people, actually that day i was juz bitching about my life la.. i like to bitch and complain and wallow in self pity, let me be la.. after i do all of the above i will be fine.. but don't let what i say affect u.. we chose this profession, this course on our own accord.. so somewhere, somehow we have decided to enter this profession and we are here to stay.. we are in this together for as long as we stay in this profession until we retire..
my point is that we shud live lives with no regrets. i think once we start thinking abt qutting and giving up and stuff, life in medicine really gets a bit miserable.. lets spur each other on and work hard!

hey i know why i have been so sad recently.. bcos i have been listening to too many of those sad love songs by zhou chuan xiong, tao zhe, jay chou and ou deyang.. all seem to be mocking me.. screw them la.. i shall listen to more rock music from now on.. ;)

2004-09-12T11:21:00.000+08:00

I feel at peace today. i think it's the power of God. really glad to know that he is always around, even when times i have turned away from him.. times when i am down and have forgotten him.. i feel guilty and sinful.. i pray to him more nowadays to give thanks to him and to constantly remind myself of his greatness and grace.. there are some things i can never say here or share with my close friends, things that are close to the heart and which involve other people and people who know them.. in the past, i will juz bottle them all up and swallow them.. like a scavenger macrophage.. now i am an antigen presenting cell.. i present my problems to God.. bcos i know no problem is too big for him..
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i ran in the morning today and i thought of a few things..
1. i feel that what i said in the previous post was very true.. there are many things which no matter how hard you try and strive for, u will never manage to achieve ur targets.. today i tried to do a 9:45 for my 2.4km at the stadium and i failed.. and i thought that i have trained so much, i should have improved a lot..
my sis is working doubly hard for her Os these days but the way i see it, no matter how hard she tries, realistically speaking, she is never going to get 6 points (at least not for her prelims).. as for my cousin.. even if he tries, he will never get an 80 for any of his subjects..
i think i got to lower my expectations for myself and for other people.. i set unrealistic goals sometimes and i get overly concerned and worked up when i don't achieve them.. quoting from someone.. i am the kind of person die die muz make things work out.. haha i think she's right. i muz change la.. muz learn to take things in my stride.. to enjoy the process rather than to be overly concerned about the end result..

2. that day i was running in this private housing estate in hougang den somehow i wanted to try a new route and got lost.. ran into many dead ends.. finally decided to run back to the main route..
i think i ran into many dead ends this yr.. went down the wrong paths.. the problem with me is that i always follow my gut feeling.. i fail to think logically.. if i had been more level headed. i would have picked up the cues, i would have been less stubborn.. and i think things might have been better.. i hope i am forgiven for my indecisiveness.. for taking the word perseverance out of context and making things difficult.
but well, i really hope i learn from my mistakes.. that i will become wiser and more mature..
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i am really happy today.. seems that i have sorted out most of my thoughts.. i want to let go of the past and move on.. but i treasure all the memories and good times..

tomorrow is a new day...