Tuesday, August 31, 2004
my legs juz brought me from sengkang to ang mo kio and back.. good legs, i hope they remain faithful and keep up their good work.. they still haf some way to go..
heard rooney is doing medical at old trafford liao.. wonder wat is ferguson thinking.. changing formation? playing 4 strikers? maybe he is converting rooney to defender haha.. anw i dont think they can win it this season.
i am slacking.. tts y u are reading this blog.. jialat so much to study, so little time. and better still, i havent bought my mama robbins.. so i am counting on this 4th edition robbins which is quite different frm the 7th edition.. but hopefully the inflammatory processes havent changed much over these yrs if not i am a goner..
tmr is a short day.. finally.. so i can schedule my driving.. heh my driving instructor must haf missed me badly.
i think i really haf no life.. monday to friday is simply lt, library, run, tuition, eat, sleep.. sat is church.. sunday is gym, tuition, tuition.. fantastic
i'll worship You, my God; 10:40 PM
Sunday, August 29, 2004
my councillee 
i'll worship You, my God; 1:44 AM
punj
i'll worship You, my God; 1:34 AM
going strong.. y is the ang mo still in front of me?
i'll worship You, my God; 1:34 AM
me looking tired..
i'll worship You, my God; 1:33 AM
ah zhao walking.. tsk tsk..
i'll worship You, my God; 1:30 AM
princess di..
i'll worship You, my God; 1:29 AM
yunxin and me..
i'll worship You, my God; 1:28 AM
sollozo rulez..
i'll worship You, my God; 1:26 AM
amanda was looking away so i was looking a bit pissed haha..
i'll worship You, my God; 1:24 AM
chok!
i'll worship You, my God; 1:21 AM
joopy!
i'll worship You, my God; 1:20 AM
me and xiuling
i'll worship You, my God; 1:20 AM
i think things are going back to normal again.. which is a gd thing.. i am paying attention during lectures and tutorials and i am beginning to read thru the notes and textbooks.. in other words, i am back in mugger mode! yay! so happy, at one point i was wondering how i was going to find the motivation again..
yup and i am running long distances again.. juz ran for 1 hr 40 mins on tuesday.. half way the sky decided to rain.. hmm even the sky doesnt like me.. whatever.. anyway its damn cooling to run in the rain.. den i ran 10 km on friday.. shud be running tmr morning too.. but i am really struggling to find time for my runs.. especially the long runs.. which normally eat up like 2 hrs including stretching, cooling down, bathing etc etc.. next wk is a busy wk loh.. i got tuition, i got driving and i got to run.. wish i have more than 24 hrs a day haha..
sorry ah i get carried away when i talk abt running..
heh today was a fruitful day.. after mugging in the lib, attended church.. instead of our usual bible studies, we had some discussion and talk abt whether faith is from god or by our response.. it seems easy at first but it is not as straight forward as we thought.. we finally agreed that faith is a god-enabled response in us.. in that it is god's work and his intiative that we haf faith and that we might believe but at the same time, faith is not a passive thing that god instilled in us.. rather god has given us the holy spirit that works in us and enables us to haf faith and belief.. of cos i think there are still many gray areas about predestiny and god's chosen people.. but overall i think i benefitted a great deal from the talk.. happy..
after service we had dinner at holland village.. wow i strongly recommend the xo yu pian mi fen (sliced fish bee hoon) at holland v.. its superb la.. the prawn paste chicken and wu xiang were good too.. but it burnt a hole in my pocket though.. haha..
i think the punj people are really nice and farnie people.. enjoy being with them.. over dinner got to chat with quite a number of them.. but a significant portion of them still strangers to me la.. slowly i think i will get along better with them.. wah but one thing i realise abt them.. many of them their chinese cannot make it.. so we were sharing some qian bian wen da ti.. den some of them were damn slow to get the joke.. haha.. wah under the tutelage of my shijie, i think i noe quite a lot of qian bian wen da ti liao.. so today i actually knew the answers to most of the qns haha.. pity i cant eat with them more often.. for example today my mum was complaining abt me staying outside frm morning to night.. "u treat the home as hotel izit?" sigh..
i'll worship You, my God; 12:06 AM
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
hmm.. so many things happened dunno where and how to start..
yah first new blogskin.. hee.. wah din noe changing a blogskin is so mafan.. how is it? not girlish anymore rite?
erm.. i dunno how i am feeling rite now.. resigned? relieved? my emotions are different every day.. guess i juz need more time for things to settle down.
some things cant be helped.. i tried my best.. i put my heart and soul into it.. i spilled my guts.. i swallowed my pride.. this is god's will for me and i accept it.. anyway i cant challenge it.. but i m glad something good came out of it.. that is my new relationship with god.. a yr ago i wouldn't have imagined myself being a christian and stuff.. somehow god has his way of choosing his children and maybe this is the way he had sought me..
i m really glad i received so much encouragement and support throughout this time.. u all noe who u are.. if not for u all, i think it would haf been worse.. words here cant explain how much i appreciate ur kindness.. thanks a lot.
anw i haf decided to run my woes off.. juz signed up for the standard chartered marathon.. hopefully i haf time to train for it if not i will juz collapse half way on that day.. but i feel damn motivated after i watched the olympics women triathlon.
den i need to do some catching up for the lectures.. realized i haf fallen behind the pace by quite a bit.. muz stop procrastinating!
and prob got to blog less haha.. anw there is nothing much to say abt studying and running..
i'll worship You, my God; 11:59 PM
Sunday, August 22, 2004
woah painful.. there goes our final medal hope. so near yet so far.. but kudos to li jiawei for giving all of us here in singapore something to cheer abt.. and we do have hopes for a bright future with our promising paddlers and shuttlers.. we r getting there, perhaps 2008 will be our yr..
DnD was fun! at least thats how i felt abt it.. it was well organised, albeit a bit draggy.. took lots of photos, with other people's cameras haha.. thanks yyy and yx! oh yah muz congratulate yyy for winning the beer drinking competition too.. haha so farnie!
anw i tink guys do look quite smart in suits.. guess wat i havent worn one b4 in my life.. except maybe the hwachong blazer.. hai wanted to borrow frm my friend but i juz couldn't bother in the end.. so i attended DnD pdp style haha.. nvm la next time got lots of opportunities to don a suit..
juz read a blog which featured this argument between 2 guys.. woah it was damn intellectual man.. like some intervarsity debate.. got point 1 to 13 somemore. personally i think such things shud be settled in private la.. y wash dirty linen in public?
this brings me to my next point.. i sometimes wonder what to write and what not to write on my blog.. its not gd to reveal everything abt how u feel and stuff since it might sometimes concern another person or people.. but den its going to be damn boring and superficial if i juz describe what i eat and do everyday.. maybe i should juz shut down this blog altogether and keep my thoughts to myself haha.. i tink the key is to achieve a balance la, as with many things in life, so it conceals and reveals at the right places.. like a bikini.. got inspiration frm cofm notes..
can't believe i am blogging with so many things to do.. but juz seems that i havent blogged for quite some time and i am afraid my blog's "fans" will not come back again.. haha..
i sound more cheerful rite? dunno why but i am beginning to put some things into perspective.. perhaps i m coming to terms with some things or i m juz deluding myself.. anw i hope to remain this way for as long as possible.. and yah i tink brooding doesnt help matters and it shows that one has no faith.. in fact the bible says that worrying is a sin.. so yah i m determined to stay happy.. and hopeful.. i m sure everything will turn out fine.
this might sound a bit cheesy.. i think life is like running nike real run.. there are rough patches juz like the 3km stretch of sand.. so grit ur teeth and persevere and u will pull thru. u won't see the finishing line until the end.. so if u want to reach the end, u mustn't give up. along the route, there are signs guiding u to the finishing line.. similarly for christians like myself, god's word is the guide to our final destination.. as long as we remain faithful and do not deviate from his designated path for us, we will surely reach there safe and sound..
Romans 8:37-39
..we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Chirst Jesus our Lord.
i'll worship You, my God; 11:45 PM
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
by Colin Raye
I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me
He said, "Boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but I loved your Grandma so.
We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter, and this is what it said :
"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then Til I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, Me."
I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away
In the doorway of the church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray
I know I've never seen him cry in all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her, his eyes fill up with tears
"If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then Til I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, Me."
i'll worship You, my God; 11:20 PM
Monday, August 16, 2004
hai.. wanted to read up on patho but well.. no discipline. its amazing, barely one wk of lectures and the notes are piling up already and i am having difficulty catching up.
i am sorry for the extremely depressing entry and thanks for all your concern though i don't think i deserved any. right now, i am a bit clueless what should be my next step, i don't even know if the ball is in my court, i am confused. actually i have been feeling this way for a damn long time. i think i handled things very very badly and now i don't know how to remedy the situation. i don't even know if i am reading the situation correctly. but there is something wrong somewhere. problem is i dunno what is it and where it lies.. arghh..
suan le la.. as if blogging it here will help matters.. the more i think of it the more confused and helpless and miserable i get.
i have a feeling singapore will end their olympic medal drought soon. ronald susilo juz beat lin dan in straight sets.. if he continues in this form, a medal (even the gold variety) is well within reach. and not to forget, the women paddlers all progressed to the third round.. i am excited and hopeful.
juz ran the nike real run on sunday.. saw lots and lots of familiar faces.. juniors, ex-classmates and schoolmates.. saw tay pinghui and ix shen too.. woah girls shud go check out their bods and looks.. anw the run was tough man, the beach was a real killer.. the sand was loose and it was incredibly hard to run. next up: army half marathon. juz pray that i will have time to train for it..
ian thorpe and michael phelps are showing down in the pool in the 200m free later.. shall go watch..
i'll worship You, my God; 11:26 PM
Friday, August 13, 2004
don't worry.. i m not suicidal or anything.. but sometimes, i feel living is a chore. u live trying to meet the expectations of other people. u live trying to meet your own expectations. u live trying to please other people. u live trying to reach a certain goal, a certain target. sometimes i try too hard, i expect too much from others, from myself.. i end up miserable, depressed.. i wonder what is my purpose here on earth.. if today i vanish from this planet, i doubt anything will change.. lives will go on.. the sun still rises.. the trees still grow..
tmr's 14th aug.. exactly one yr since my osc colleague passed away due to complications from a heart operation.. i wonder how many people still remember him.. perhaps his parents, his family and some of his close friends.. i cannot claim to be very close to him but it saddened me all the same last yr this time.. i was on my way to tuition after a badminton session with my frens when i received a msg from his handphone.. i m X's cousin. X has just passed away last night due to.... i can still vividly remember that day.. life is so transient and unpredictable pple always say but i did not really believe in it until that day.. dunno where is he now but do hope that he rests in peace..
-----
back to myself, i wonder wat kind of person i m sometimes.. the things i do.. the words i say.. did they come from the heart? did i really mean what i say? i really dunno.. i searched for 20 yrs wat i really am, i m still searching..
i feel like i m hanging on to this metal bar now, like the days during canoe training.. seems like a long time already, my hands are getting tired.. my mind tells me to give up.. my heart says."hang on." i dunno wat to do.. i juz feel a bit
li bu chong xin..
many pple told me i m a nice guy.. i don't really think so.. actually i noe who's reading all these and seriously i don't know wat purpose i m trying to achieve here.. make myself feel better? earn some sympathy? make someone feel bad? i tell u really, deep inside i m a selfish and sinful person.. so don't bother consoling me or sympathizing with me..
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried
so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
i'll worship You, my God; 8:50 PM
Monday, August 09, 2004
fireworks was great! always liked to watch live fireworks cos u can feel and hear it.. its very different from watching it on tv. but good things don't last, fireworks displays normally last abt 5 to 10 mins.. a bit too short for me.
this yr's display seemed a bit shorter to me..
nonetheless, it was memorable.. last time this yr, i secretly made a wish.. it came true.
happy. relieved.
i'll worship You, my God; 11:17 PM
wah i very patriotic rite? haha.. actually i dont feel very much on national day. to me, its juz another day and i am thankful that i have another day of rest haha.. but come to think of it, i think we have had it gd here in singapore, its clean, its efficient, its modern, its safe.. at times, its kind of boring.. there is no natural scenery to boast of.. things are expensive and life is stressful.. but at least the political climate here is stable and compared to our neighbours, we are quite well-off and leading comfortable lives.. to me, these are more impt than anything else..
havent been blogging these few days cos i have been really busy.. so b4 shi jie comes and bug me again, i decided i shud update my blog
started sch on friday after 3 mths of rest.. think i forgot all my anat and physio already.. biochem? whats that? anyway friday didnt feel like sch at all, everyone's still in holiday mood, after the intro lecture on patho, me and my buddies still went to yx's house for mahjong.. we skipped the afternoon patho intro prac session altogether, fortunately i heard it was rather redundant.. i think i muz start concentrating on my studies soon.. i must!
den we had an og bbq outing at east coast park.. i love bbqs! erm.. the eating part that is.. the bbqing part i prefer it to be done by someone else haha.. but ever so helpful and kind, i will still help to start the fire and bbq.. hee.. it was a great outing though.. turnout was much better than the west coast park outing.. oh yah and i finally got a counsellee.. dunno whether she is lucky or not to have me as counsellor haha.. but i will do my best..
sat was great as usual.. always look forward to bible studies and church cos i always feel comforted and enlightened by god's word. pple have been asking me why i converted and stuff, i can go on and on abt this but i don't feel comfortable talking abt it here and i wonder how much of it u all will believe.. in short, i accepted christianity because of Christ, because He sought me, because i believe in His word and because i believe and is grateful for what Christ did for me.. woah.. i think i widened my arena a lot here, don't normally like to talk abt religion.. cos it might offend pple..
sunday.. went to sentosa for 10km trng run again.. wz and i both agreed that we are both a bit sadistic, waking up so early on a sunday morning to torture ourselves haha.. but i enjoyed the run thoroughly heh and i shaved a full minute off my previous timing.. can't wait for next sunday to come.
manu lost to arsenal.. sian.. my only comfort is that the team that wins the charity shield normally won't win the premiership.. but manu is in bad shape now, plagued by injuries, suspensions and international duties.. whereas arsenal haven't lost their touch, their young players are good and they don't seem to be missing vieira very much.. chelsea has further strengthened their squad and is brimming with talent and big names.. manu's opening match with chelsea will shed more light on who will be up there contending the title with arsenal..
excited.. watching fireworks tonight.. yup.. looking forward to it. (".)
i'll worship You, my God; 10:24 AM
Thursday, August 05, 2004
time really flies.. tmr is the start of medical yr 2. i think my mindset is still tuned to that of yr 1 haha.. somehow i think i am still not ready to start studying but i guess i will get down into mugger mode real soon.. at least there are less CAs this time round which could both be a bad and gd thing so that remains to be seen..
tink i wasted my hols.. besides working at mos burger and attending medicamp as an ogl, practically did nothing else.. mos was quite a new experience for me. b4 that i rarely did any housework besides cleaning the floor.. since i m doing the closing shift, i had to wipe the tables and chairs, keep them, mop the floor, wipe the glass panels.. i also learnt how to make rice burgers, fry stuff, mirowave stuff.. also learnt a bit of serving customers too.. made friends from all walks of life.. aunties, uncles, sec sch kids, poly pple, graduates.. guess i will no longer have a chance to work at a fast food restaurant again now that our last long hols are over..
medicamp was great.. at least attending it as an ogl was more fun bcos there is no need to prepare skit and stuff and u go thru the camp getting a little less wet and dirty haha.. some m1s told me it was kind of boring.. i tink it has partly to do with the poor attendance.. but i think the most impt thing is to get to noe ur fellow coursemates cos they r the ones u will spend the a lot of time with in future..
there were many things i planned to do b4 the hols which i did not manage to accomplish.. things i screwed up and things i regretted doing.. but whats done cannot be undone.. i hope to set things right in the new sem and have a fresh new start! =) gd luck to u guys and god bless!
i'll worship You, my God; 10:47 PM
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
heh a lot of people have commented that i am mad cos i run a lot.. and i think i am back to my mad ways cos i juz ran 15km today.. heh actually i m quite proud of it cos i havent run such a long distance for a very long time.. ran 10km at sentosa on sunday den i ran 8km yesterday.. not bad.. think i will top up the total to 40km this wk.. hee..
well i think running is really a very good sport.. i encourage all of u to go run loh cos firstly its gd for ur health and for girls who want to shed some weight den i think running is really effective (and cheap too).. secondly running helps to take a load off ur mind.. if u haf any troubles or worries, wat better way than to run it off.. furthermore running helps to release endorphins which supposedly make u feel happier.. yup so go run.. of cos u dont haf to run as much as i do.. probably start with 2 km or a 10 min run den slowly increase the duration, distance and the frequency of ur runs.. yeah before long u will be slim, fit and healthy!
its also gd to haf something to work towards so that u can be more motivated for ur runs.. right now i am training for the nike real run.. after that i will probably go for the army half marathon and if the study schedule permits, i will aim to complete the standard chartered marathon..
the marathon is really an achievable target given enough time to train for it.. of cos its not going to be easy.. 42 km is no joke.. but george bush completed the marathon before and so did oprah winfrey.. if they can do it, i think there is no reason why we can't.. so i am going to go for it this yr.. give me your moral support k?
enough of running advice.. heh i think i am real efficient, i bought the jay chou cd called qi li xiang (loosely translated as 7 mile fragrance) the day it was released (which was yesterday).. listened to it liao.. pretty gd.. still the same as his previous albums.. but i still havent figured out what he is mumbling abt haha..
want to buy the ou de yang and fir albums also, esp fir.. think their songs are really nice but my bank account is running low.. hopefully can strike lottery this weekend haha!
i'll worship You, my God; 9:19 PM
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
juz came back frm driving.. quite a forgettable lesson, he juz made me do vertical parking for like 40 mins.. reverse, turn out, reverse, turn out.. den went on the main road.. i think i am getting the hang of it, becoming more confident but well perhaps still not quite up to his standard..
juz feeling sian.. there is nothing to look forward to, nothing to aim for.. at least school's starting so i have something to preoccupy myself with.. if not i will juz be sitting in front of my comp screen, staring into blankness and thinking, wondering, worrying.. i juz told a friend that i cant help looking on the negative side of things.. maybe i was born a pessimist.. or maybe i am juz preparing myself mentally so that if the result does not turn out the way i want it to be, den i wont be that disappointed.
sometimes, i wish things were made simpler on earth, that people could think simpler too so that there will be less worry and misery.. yesterday my og brought a group of pple frm spd (society for the physically disabled) to sungei buloh.. i paired up with chee kong (dunno if his name is spelled like this). he's slightly mentally challenged but he is quite mobile and active.. throughout the trip, he was always smiling and very cheerful.. he's easily excited and amused and likes to make fun of pple.. i envy chee kong because i will never be like him.. after all, ignorance is bliss.. i wish i could be simple and ignorant den i would be happy..
but i live in hope and faith because i know God will always be there to watch over me and lend a listening ear to all my worries and troubles.. more importantly, he has great plans for me and he alone knows what is best for me..
i'll worship You, my God; 3:05 PM
Monday, August 02, 2004
forgot to reply to some of your comments..
to nitecrome and di: heh sure, go ahead and add a link.. den i link urs too k?
to jie: thanks for being the first one to link me.. yup and i dun think we look alike haha dun worry..
i'll worship You, my God; 1:53 AM
wow had such a packed weekend that i had no time to blog until now..
saturday
had lunch at yong chai with a few of my hwachong classmates.. well wanted to go to the homecoming festival initially but we met too late and i had to leave at 2 for church.. this yr's quite a landmark yr for chinese high and hwachong cos next yr they will become one but well for me it wont make a big difference cos both are my alma mater.. hopefully by merging, the school will continue to do well and produce more outstanding pple like me.. hahaha..
punj today was one of the greatest i had so far.. cos i was truly enriched by the discussion we had at back to basics class.. probably because the class was really small, there were only 3 of us and 2 leaders, we had more opportunities to interact and learn of God's word.
service today was also a milestone for me cos i partake in my first holy communion.. it represents a change of my heart, where previously i chose not to outwardly display my faith despite believing in Him, now i am ready to accept that i am a christian and by partaking in the communion, i will be reminded of Christ death on the cross and have reassurance in his grace..
hurried down to west coast park to meet my og after service.. den realised there were only a few M1s who turned up.. but still had fun on the whole talking and eating with my fellow ogls and friends..
Sunday
woke up at 6.30am so that i could reach sentosa in time for a trng run for the nike real run.. was a gruelling run as it was my first time running on sand but it was enjoyable and rejuvenating..
gave 2 tuitions consecutively after that.. tuitions are quite a chore i must say, but they are my only source of income and i need it to fund my driving lessons and daily expenses.. sigh..
evening went to a punj gathering at hl's house.. was also meant to be a farewell party for a church friend who is returning to the states.. food was really great.. also got to know a few of the punj pple better. i think they are a wonderful bunch of people, very friendly and welcoming.. even though i am considered one of the youngest among them, they made an effort to chat with me and to introduce me to the other members of punj.. they are also the main reason why i have assimilated so well into arpc and decided to continue attending punj..
was really a fun-filled weekend, so busy that i had no time to worry about stuff.. but den it creeps back to haunt u once u are alone.. sigh.. guess its juz me, me n my stubborn heart which refuses to yield to my head..
i'll worship You, my God; 1:00 AM
