Saturday, September 25, 2004
happy today..
3 things
half marathon is tmr.. 8 hours away to be exact.. i am quite excited abt it.. i hope i meet my target timing.. but i won't be too disappointed if i don't.. its the process that counts mah.. i am running with the punj guys.. its gonna be fun!
oh and i juz carbo loaded.. i am feeling extremely bloated now.. ate a big bowl of spaghetti and i also help eat some of my sis' and mum's horfun cos they can't finish.. if u all din noe, i am the family's rubbish bin la anything they can't finish i will eat.. and i had a banana too.. shud provide enough energy for my 21km tmr..
today's talk at smu ficus bistro cafe was good.. abt God and our ambitions.. made a lot of sense to me.. in a way it answered my question previously on what we are working so hard for.. and learnt that personal achievement and glorification count for nothing before God..
i am thoroughly encouraged today.. cos z came to the talk after i told him abt it and he is attending just looking next wk.. really glad he is open to it and i am sure God will reveal himself to him and hope that he will come to noe of christ and accept him.
tt day during pharmaco lecture, i came up with this idea leh.. lets say there is this drug which is quite expensive and it is metabolised mainly by CYP3A4.. so can i take one quarter of the prescribed dose and den drink lets say a glass of pomelo or grapefruit juice? logical right? haha..
shall haf an early night.. maybe blog abt the run tmr.
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Don't let yesterday's disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrw's dreams...
i'll worship You, my God; 9:45 PM
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
staring at my dengue notes but nothing is going in.. how are we supposed to remember each and every symptom and complication related to every virus? i hate viruses.. and pharmaco..
i suddenly realise friendships are very transient.. i am not saying there are no lifelong friendships.. but i juz feel that throughout my life, i have made new friends, i have also lost contact with many of them.. even in the course of a few months, i feel i have grown closer to some friends and drifted away from some of them.. well dunno wat point i am trying to make.. juz feel that some things are shaped by circumstances and no one can predict what will happen in the future.. i hope we treasure the people around us and never take them for granted..
things do change.. haha obviously.. but it suddenly juz occurred to me how much things can change in such a short span of time.. changes to myself.. to people around me.. its amazing.. i do hope the changes are for the better but think we ought to retain a part of ourselves too.. and to remain true to ourselves..
sometimes u don't realise how much one person's actions or words can affect another person's moods or thoughts or feelings.. so perhaps we ought to be more sensitive to other people's feelings and try not to do things that will upset them.. but then again, it is quite hard trying to please other people, especially when u compromise on ur own emotions and feelings..
i hope i have not upsetted too many people, unknowingly or not..
there is still this knot i cannot untie.. i have given up untying it la.. i did try my best.. i leave the rest to God.
thinking too much again.. lao mao bing.. better go sleep..
i'll worship You, my God; 11:28 PM
Saturday, September 18, 2004
In Christ Alone
In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone! who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save:
Til on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Til He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand!
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indeed, nothing has power over me except Christ alone.. and that the only true hope and true comfort is in him.. my faith is in him forever.
i'll worship You, my God; 1:08 AM
Monday, September 13, 2004
hey people, actually that day i was juz bitching about my life la.. i like to bitch and complain and wallow in self pity, let me be la.. after i do all of the above i will be fine.. but don't let what i say affect u.. we chose this profession, this course on our own accord.. so somewhere, somehow we have decided to enter this profession and we are here to stay.. we are in this together for as long as we stay in this profession until we retire..
my point is that we shud live lives with no regrets. i think once we start thinking abt qutting and giving up and stuff, life in medicine really gets a bit miserable.. lets spur each other on and work hard!
hey i know why i have been so sad recently.. bcos i have been listening to too many of those sad love songs by zhou chuan xiong, tao zhe, jay chou and ou deyang.. all seem to be mocking me.. screw them la.. i shall listen to more rock music from now on.. ;)
i'll worship You, my God; 10:27 PM
Sunday, September 12, 2004
I feel at peace today. i think it's the power of God. really glad to know that he is always around, even when times i have turned away from him.. times when i am down and have forgotten him.. i feel guilty and sinful.. i pray to him more nowadays to give thanks to him and to constantly remind myself of his greatness and grace.. there are some things i can never say here or share with my close friends, things that are close to the heart and which involve other people and people who know them.. in the past, i will juz bottle them all up and swallow them.. like a scavenger macrophage.. now i am an antigen presenting cell.. i present my problems to God.. bcos i know no problem is too big for him..
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i ran in the morning today and i thought of a few things..
1. i feel that what i said in the previous post was very true.. there are many things which no matter how hard you try and strive for, u will never manage to achieve ur targets.. today i tried to do a 9:45 for my 2.4km at the stadium and i failed.. and i thought that i have trained so much, i should have improved a lot..
my sis is working doubly hard for her Os these days but the way i see it, no matter how hard she tries, realistically speaking, she is never going to get 6 points (at least not for her prelims).. as for my cousin.. even if he tries, he will never get an 80 for any of his subjects..
i think i got to lower my expectations for myself and for other people.. i set unrealistic goals sometimes and i get overly concerned and worked up when i don't achieve them.. quoting from someone.. i am the kind of person die die muz make things work out.. haha i think she's right. i muz change la.. muz learn to take things in my stride.. to enjoy the process rather than to be overly concerned about the end result..
2. that day i was running in this private housing estate in hougang den somehow i wanted to try a new route and got lost.. ran into many dead ends.. finally decided to run back to the main route..
i think i ran into many dead ends this yr.. went down the wrong paths.. the problem with me is that i always follow my gut feeling.. i fail to think logically.. if i had been more level headed. i would have picked up the cues, i would have been less stubborn.. and i think things might have been better.. i hope i am forgiven for my indecisiveness.. for taking the word perseverance out of context and making things difficult.
but well, i really hope i learn from my mistakes.. that i will become wiser and more mature..
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i am really happy today.. seems that i have sorted out most of my thoughts.. i want to let go of the past and move on.. but i treasure all the memories and good times..
tomorrow is a new day...
i'll worship You, my God; 11:21 AM
Friday, September 10, 2004
i am in a reflective mood again.. dunno why but i just tend to think a lot.. abt the things i did.. abt my relationships with people.. my purpose in life etc etc.. i wonder sometimes why i work so hard. after tutorial today, i rushed down to paya lebar for driving.. den after that i rushed down to hougang to give my cousin tuition.. i need a breather, i need to get a life. sigh.. maybe medicine is a wrong choice after all..i dunno. i am disillusioned..
and to think that i am always telling my cousin to work hard so that he can lead a better life in future.. actually i am juz scaring him into doing better for his tests and exams haha..
been tutoring my sis these few days.. her prelims are coming soon.. can tell she is damn stressed. burning midnight oil.. really hope she does well, don't want to see her slacking around at home for 3 mths next yr.
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wound hasn't healed yet.. sometimes it feels ok.. sometimes not ok.. i dunno how.. i think i am perpetually depressed and pessimistic.. there is really nothing to look forward to..
i juz feel that i am always on the wrong end of the deal when i treat people well.. tt i am not being appreciated for my effort and my gd intention.. maybe when u give, u shouldn't expect to get anything in return.. or maybe shud stop being nice..
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i tried to run to macritchie on tuesday.. tink i overestimated my ability.. took 1hr plus to reach the double busstop at macritchie den i began my return trip.. when i reached hougang, my legs really couldn't take it so i got to walk home.. when i finally reached home, it was 3 hrs plus.. my family was wondering where i went to..
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i'll worship You, my God; 9:39 PM
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
不能和你一起 孙燕姿
结束还是原谅 爱永远搁在远方
眼神不会说话 只有泪光
你给过希望 怎么能忘
是你填满温暖 让梦想有了翅膀
教我如何控制 风的方向
让我每一天能飞到更远的地方
不能和你一起 拥有喜悦和悲伤
不管走多远 步伐都没有力量
不能和你一起 走往这世界幸福方向
孤单的身旁少了坚强 只有简单感伤
i'll worship You, my God; 11:11 PM
The Reason
I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why I need you to hear
I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
i'll worship You, my God; 10:46 PM
