Thursday, December 30, 2004
I am tired of studying.. cholangitis, cholelithiasis, neoplasms, polyps.. juz floating around in front of me while my minds drifts and drifts further and further away.. but still i am thankful that i am still alive and kicking and thinking and breathing and studying and eating.. whenever i see the images being shown on tv these few days and read about the rising death toll in the papers, i just feel that whatever problems i had really pale in comparison.. cas, relationships, work, tiredness.. why am i complaining when i have had it so good here?
i am contented with the life i have right now, and i know that as long as i am still living, no problem is so big that it cannot be resolved..
-------------------
i am happy.
=)
i realise that it is the little gestures and events that touch me and make me happy.. and i am indeed happy and contented.. never mind the things that have happened so long ago.. i am juz glad..
----------------------
it has indeed been an eventful year for me.. and a most incredible journey..
uphills and downhills.. joy, sorrow, surprise, hope, disappointment..
perhaps everything had been too smooth before.. so 2004 has brought me back into reality.. that i live in a harsh world.. and that not all your dreams will come true and not everything will happen your way.. in fact nothing ever happens your way..
it has been a year of self discovery.. realising my frailties and imperfectness..
it is a year of getting reconciled with God.. and indeed God's plans and thoughts are unfathomable by us and we are all juz a tiny part of this galaxy he has built and we are all created for His purpose.. 2004 will always be remembered for this..
if i were asked to choose a year to keep out of the 20 yrs i have had, then i would certainly choose this yr to keep.. it has been a memorable year and a life-changing one.. pity it had to end this way though..
i pray for a better year ahead and for help to arrive quickly for the tsunami victims..
i'll worship You, my God; 5:34 PM
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
should be mugging right now but i am suffering from ptosis.. and its only 11 am or so.. just read mycobacteria.. sian.. so many tiny tiny insignificant bacteria.. to study or not to study?
while we are caught up in our tiny world of robbins and jawetz and notes, thousands of people are hanging on for their dear lives in many parts of south asia.. and for every dead person, there are many more who are grieving.. so much for technology.. so much for the prowess of man.. i think we have overestimated our abilities.. for as long as man have existed, we are still as vulnerable and helpless as before..
and so much for my ramblings here in peaceful singapore, there is nothing much i can do except pray a silent prayer for the thousands who are suffering right now.. and to go back to my tiny cubicle and be shut out from this world..
i'll worship You, my God; 10:32 AM
Saturday, December 25, 2004
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!
shall keep this post short cos i am rather tired now..
another wonderful christmas party.. this time at my uncle's house.. great food.. superb cheese cake.. and great great fun playing with my nephews and nieces (my cousins' children) some of whom are a good 10 yrs younger than me.. i think i became just a little more childish today.. sometimes at this age it feels good to be a 10 yr old child again.. i feel rejuvenated!
i think i had been too serious and uptight all these yrs.. it feels gd to juz let go and haf fun and not care abt wat others may think or say.. childish? so be it.. hee.. sure beats sitting in one corner, watching tv, acting mature and being a wet blanket..
this festive season has really eaten deep into my reserves.. dunno whether i can survive the next mth or so.. got lots of stuff to buy leh.. new clothes.. cut hair.. driving.. present for my mum.. going out with friends.. hmm but i think i had a gd mix of work, play and study this past month.. shall not bother too much abt the money.. anyway i juz bought myself a new bible for christmas.. heh i think spiritual food is sth worth investing in.. quite happy with my buy..
2004 coming to an end liao.. so fast.. what a pity.. sometimes i feel like reliving the year again.. it has been one hell of a rollercoaster...
i'll worship You, my God; 1:50 AM
Sunday, December 19, 2004
I think i quite like the new blog layout. found it at blogskins.. realised most of the skins are very feminine.. think i belong to an endangered species of males who blog..
haiz i accidentally deleted the haloscan thingy while changing my blog layout.. and i dun tink i will put it back.. cos i suffer frm commentophobia haha.. sometimes i am afraid that the things i say will offend someone or make some people feel awkward.. so without the feedback thing, i am spared the agony of wondering whether or not my ramblings are well received.. well, humans are self-deceiving creatures and i am just one of them.
the new background is a bit gloomy.. wanted to find something more cheery which reflects my mood now but couldnt find one that i like.. anyway i quite like this one.. i like the colour combination and the overall feel.. maybe it explains my character huh.. nostalgic, dreamy, worrisome.. i also like the road in the middle of the picture and the silhouette of the person in it.. well sort of depicts my life at the moment.. me treading down this path that God has set out for me.. He never promised it to be easy.. but the bible calls me to persevere and stay on the path.. this path to salvation and eternal life..
saturday was punj christmas party.. one word. awesome! yah it was that good.. the best and the most meaningful christmas party i ever had in my life.. i hope there will be many more to come..
in a nutshell, the party was about fun, food and fellowship.. and of course Jesus..
we certainly had loads of fun playing games, catching up with one another and getting to know newcomers among our midst.. it really felt that we were one big family.. the warmth and hospitality made me feel at home.. thank God for arpc and punj without which my Christian walk would not have been so smooth thus far..
and of cos there was a lot of good food.. pastries, pizzas, pies, fried rice, bee hoon, chicken wings, cakes.. the tiramisu cake by siwei was especially good.. tastes just like those u find in bakeries.. kevin's pastries too..
the talk by Lincoln was very thought provoking and encouraging at the same time.. indeed Christmas is not just a festival abt parties, catching up with friends, gift exchanging.. the true meaning of christmas lies in the name itself.. it is abt Christ.. it is abt Christ being sent down frm heaven to complete His Father's job of reconciling us to Him.. that we, in nature sinners and rotten and unable to save ourselves by our doings and efforts, have been made right because of Christ..
Christmas being round the corner, i juz pray that God will enable me to grow in faith, obedience and maturity.. and that i will submit totally to Him and live a life that is worthy of Him, one that is other people centred.. i also hope to have a brand new start to the year, to put everything behind me, to look forward to the new year.. 2005 will be a better year.
i'll worship You, my God; 11:08 PM
Sunday, December 12, 2004
had a great day today..
had a picnic cum breakfast cum lunch with my bs group plus tim burton and his wife (they were speakers at the recent punj-youth group camp).. quite ok la had a lot of food and chatted quite a bit.. but somehow i feel i am not very close to my bs group pple.. maybe it is because i joined the group quite late and only attended the last few sessions..
i also hope to be more involved in punj activities and hang out with the punj guys after service for dinner and fellowship but i risk incurring the wrath of my mum who already thinks that i am spending too much time at church and less time at home.. so i am a bit at a loss.. but i am grateful that i am still able to attend church every saturday.. thank God.. =)
attended another church today.. i will say that i am glad i went bcos i feel very blessed that i am attending a very good church (as in arpc) which is truly faithful to the bible.. it is not that the church that i went today was very bad.. in my opinion any church that preaches God's word is a good one.. and this church that i went to definitely has the ability to attract thousands of people and spread the word to many people.. so that is not a bad thing. its juz that i feel that the focus seems to be a bit off.. that it is focussing more on trusting in God's grace to achieve prosperity and health.. again tts not really wrong cos we should depend on God for everything.. its juz that i think christianity's main focus should not be about attaining things for self fulfilment.. ok la i shud shut up liao.. anw zy if u are reading this, dun be too offended k.. its a personal preference thingy.. i think doesnt really matter as long as one is sure of his faith..
on the way home i told zy that my life has been truly changed since accepting Christ.. he agrees with me that there has also been more purpose in his existence here.. quite glad to hear that.. juz want to say that knowing Christ and his work on the cross has been a real comfort to me especially in times of sadness and helplessness.. it is very comforting to know that there is a higher being up there whom i can turn to in times of trouble and that He is always there for me.. so last time i used to worry about relationships, get anxious abt cas and exams, worry abt money etc etc.. i realise now that all these are juz so umimportant as compared to the ultimate relationship with God.. i also believe that God will always provide a way out for me no matter how hard or impossible the situation i am in.. God didnt promise us an easy journey in our Christian life but he did promise us a paradise and a huge reward, far greater than any thing, at the end of our journey.. i am really glad God has found me and i haf accepted Him in my life..
i'll worship You, my God; 10:18 PM
Sunday, December 05, 2004
I COMPLETED MY MARATHON!!
euphoria man.. really.. no words can most appropriately describe my feelings when i step on the mat and cross the finishing line.. wah still feeling quite high.. although my muscles are aching, my head is in a spin, my soles are blistering..
it was an experience beyond my wildest imagination.. but it wasn't all smooth la..
first 10km or so were pretty ok.. i was able to do it at a comfortable pace.. slightly below an hr for 10km..
den the next 10 km.. still alright.. 2hrs..
den 26km or so fatigue sets in.. my pace slowed down a bit.. my left shoulder hurt.. my muscles were aching.. but i was still running..
30 to 33 km really knocked out already.. juz barely hanging in there.. pace was at best slightly faster than a brisk walk.. this was the infamous "wall" that is well-known in running circles.. and it was bad.. real bad.. i started wondering why i was doing this.. i wanted to carry on running.. my legs were protesting.. they finally persuaded me to walk la.. after i stopped to drink some water.. i juz started walking.. and i couldn't stop walking..
36 km onwards.. it was no longer juz fatigue.. my legs started cramping real badly.. so began the cycle of run cramp walk, run cramp walk.. last 9 km really killer man..
woah when i saw the 41 km mark and then the 42 km mark i was damn glad it was over.. last 200 m it felt juz the way u see it during olympics.. the final stretch to the finishing line was juz in front of the old city hall, flanked by 2 rows of supporters.. wah tt part feels really good haha.. but a slight blip la.. i cramped again juz before the finishing mat.. so i had to hobble my way across the finishing line..
anw i think the singapore marathon record of 2:18 was broken this yr.. broken by quite a few guys i heard.. the first guy came in at 2hr15mins i think.. anw mine was 4hr42mins plus la.. so he could haf run 84 km for my timing haha.. the african runners are crazy people, i tell u.. they run the marathon the way i run my 2.4km.. wahliao respect man.. its a joy to watch them run, their strides and all..
quite satisfied with my timing la though i haf set myself an unrealistic target of 4hrs.. i think finishing it was already quite an accomplishment for me.. got a finisher's tee and medal too.. next yr i will try for a better time.. this yr towards the end, lose a bit of discipline.. din train much for the one mth leading to the marathon.. luckily wat i did before this period was enough to carry me to the 33 km mark, if not i may not haf completed it haha..
thank God for everything.. for keeping me safe and helping me to complete the run.. =)
i'll worship You, my God; 1:38 PM
Saturday, December 04, 2004
juz came online to update my post juz in case i dont make it tmr.. haha touch wood.. yeah the moment i am waiting for.. the race i haf prepared for so long.. is happening in abt hrs plus time.. damn excited man.. i really hope i can complete it.. oh anw i bought a new set of running attire to give myself a bit more motivation.. quite satisfied with my buy.. got quite a good deal =) jialat i realised shopping can be quite addictive.. there were so many things i wanted to buy yesterday at queensway.. luckily i controlled myself.
the cg thing is really a mess.. all ard me i juz see pple scrambling to form their grps.. some pple are happy.. some are not.. well all i want to say is that sometimes we should think more abt other people than be too preoccupied with our own selfish desires.. den perhaps there will be less unhappiness la.. and a lot of things often will not turn out our way so we juz haf to accept it la.. and watever grps we are in, we should be satisfied and try to get along with the people in our respective cgs..
oh how can i forget about singapore idol.. overall i thought the whole series was very very good, much better than i expected.. initially i thought it would juz be another talentime competition.. din expect it to be so successful.. glad that taufik won but in the end i think both sly and taufik are winners in their own right la.. both haf improved heaps and bounds since the audition rounds.. i hope both will establish niches of their own and make it big.. looking forward to their first albums..
sermon today was conducted by john chapman.. he was super humorous and interesting.. i enjoyed it thoroughly.. thought it was a bit too short though.. anw glad that both kw and zw came.. hope that u two will continue to come for service ya? maybe check out punj when new studies begin?
muz go sleep liao.. rest my body for the big day =) check out this space!
i'll worship You, my God; 9:43 PM