Shout Unto God!

Sunday, June 26, 2005

tomorrow heralds the start of medicine year 3.. very frankly speaking, i am totally unprepared for it.. emotionally unprepared.. didnt read up.. and i dont really feel excited or anything. in the past, at the start of every academic year, even in primary school, i will feel quite psyched up.. make a list of goals, mentally or otherwise, set targets. this time feels different, in fact i dont feel anything, i dunno what is in store for me. maybe it is better this way, just let whatever comes comes, so there is less stress and worry.. one step at a time.

i'll worship You, my God; 5:12 PM

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Wednesday, June 22, 2005

i just found out who won eye for a guy 2.. because the last episode fell on the day i came back from church camp and i could not reach home in time for the finale.. and i keep forgetting to check the website.. actually i was rooting for howard to win but somehow i have a feeling that wolfgang will clinch it, especially when there were newspaper reports of wolfgang and denise holidaying in bali.. somehow it just proves that girls just dont like nice guys. not to say that wolfgang is not nice.. but i feel that howard seems to be more of the good, faithful kind.. well i dunno its just my observation and a generalization.

anyway i really dont understand how people can fall in love when there are so many cameras and people around.. and sometimes i dunno whether they really mean what they say in front of the camera.. or they are just making a show of it. i like watching reality shows but i take whatever they say with a pinch of salt..

i'll worship You, my God; 12:20 PM

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Monday, June 20, 2005

just came back from a run.. and i felt real good. was running leisurely around a cluster of blocks of flats when i saw this super fit guy running in opp direction to me.. since i am doing rounds and he is running in opp direction, i will be meeting him twice every round, so i decided to speed up a little so that i will always be meeting him in the same place.. haha quite lame huh.. but i end up having quite a good workout..

was reading some other blogs.. i must say some people can write really well.. and about meaningful stuff. contrary to my own haha.. and to think that i got some award for my languages back then.. i feel a bit ashamed.. i dont mind returning the award to the respective authorities haha.

just a thought. i feel that sometimes the christian faith gets a bit too intellectual.. especially when we were doing the bible study on reading proverbs.. i felt like i was attending some literature class ha.

bailey and love is really thick.. looks impressive on the shelf.. and the perfect tonic for insomnia.. and weights training.

i'll worship You, my God; 10:50 PM

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Saturday, June 18, 2005

i am determined not to feel ashamed of the gospel anymore. last time i was very afraid to talk about christianity on my blog.. i was afraid to admit to relatives and friends that i am a christian.. in a way i was ashamed of christianity.. i was afraid that people would think i am weird.. i want to fit into the crowd.. i was afraid people would speak behind my back, gossiping about how stupid i was to convert and stuff.. and i am sure people did speak about me, even my friends, i am dead sure about that.. i think i was afraid bcos i wasnt sure yet, and i wasnt ready to submit to God's authority..

now i think there is really nothing shameful about being a christian.. indeed its really a great privilege to be one.. i think there are people out there who constantly deny the truth of the bible despite having read it.. i am privileged bcos thru God's grace, i have been enabled to accept the teachings of the bible and made to grow in understanding of it and being made more and more aware of how true the bible is..

and i accept that i am weird.. this is wat i told someone just now haha.. bcos i am a stranger on this world not living according to the rules and worldly desires of this world but according to God's will and laws.. i don't belong here, i am only a passing tourist, an out-of-the-world foreigner..

and i am not unhappy.. i am happier now than before i became a christian.. i have more direction in life now, not the aimless chicken i was before.. i am more contented now too bcos everything in this world is just in passing and temporary. life is less of a struggle now because u noe whats right and whats wrong according to God.. whereas in the past i do things according to my own conscience and everything is in a mess..

i am proud to be a christian.

i'll worship You, my God; 1:39 AM

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Thursday, June 16, 2005

sandra

i'll worship You, my God; 5:09 PM

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my bs leader, bee him

i'll worship You, my God; 5:08 PM

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sui

i'll worship You, my God; 5:07 PM

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kevin aka yao ming

i'll worship You, my God; 5:06 PM

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shumin

i'll worship You, my God; 5:04 PM

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jackass cynric

i'll worship You, my God; 5:03 PM

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tathong, my running mate at church camp

i'll worship You, my God; 5:02 PM

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delicious dunkin donuts

i'll worship You, my God; 5:00 PM

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road to kl

i'll worship You, my God; 5:00 PM

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me and nicholas in front of twin towers

i'll worship You, my God; 4:55 PM

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boy.. really cute haha..

i'll worship You, my God; 4:43 PM

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shumin acting cute..

i'll worship You, my God; 4:40 PM

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I am back from church camp.
Church camp was really very good! very much better than expected.. i thought it would be damn boring listening to talks and stuff but i benefitted a lot from it, learnt a lot from God's word and i feel really refreshed.. not refreshed bcos of the break i had from school and studies.. but refreshed in my Christian walk. to a certain extent i think my Christian walk became stagnant, i wasn't really living my life the way a Christian should be.. so this camp really made me determined to "clean up my act" and be really serious about my faith.

i got to know quite a few people during the camp.. especially the younger ones, those in jc bcos we seldom interact at punj. and i think i got to know some people better during the camp.. didnt really have an opportunity to talk to these people at church bcos i dont normally hang around after church to mingle around with them. and in my free time i seldom meet up with them.. this is something i am determined to work on.. i thank God for all these friendships.. i feel really encouraged by all the people i meet during church camp.. my bible study leaders, my punj group members.. they made me feel like home in this family of christ and i feel i am not alone in this christian walk. i feel blessed.

i thank God for arpc, my church.. it is a really good church and i am glad it was the first church i attended because i think i might not have converted if i had gone to another church. the teachings at arpc are solely based on the bible and very clear.. sermons are very structured and well planned based solely on the bible, not just talks with no references to the bible or mere ramblings or sweet talk or bombarstic language.

the theme of this year's church camp is good fear. fear of the lord and being wise.. much of the time is spent reading the book of proverbs and i have tried reading it on my own b4 church camp.. and it was really hard catching what it was trying to say because the proverbs are all over the place.. so the sermons and bible studies really helped me make sense of the proverbs and categorise them.

the topics touched on during the camp were very relevant and practical in our daily lives, even for non christians i think.. like money, work, relationships, sex, speech.. how to live our lives wisely not by our own wisdom or understanding but knowing God's wisdom.

i learnt a lot about relationships during the church camp from the sermon on it, the workshop for youths on relationship and sex, and the discussions we had in punj and the casual talks we had in our free time. i think pastor chris described the situation in today's world quite well. on one extreme, we become arelational or non relational.. we are so cooped up with our work, our studies and our beloved computer that we stop talking to human beings. and our communication is reduced to a mere hi and bye.. where we become acquaintances rather than forge deep friendships.. we are becoming less and less human like.. God has made us relational people so that we need to talk to one another and interact with one another.. he didnt make only adam.. he also created eve so that adam would not be lonely.

but on the other end of the spectrum, some people depend too much on relationships, so much so that they idolise them.. it becomes the sole purpose in their lives, that everything revolves around it.. that is so true, isnt it? i experienced it too.. when u get into a relationship and everything else is not impt except for your gf or bf.. you lose everything else in your life, your family, your other friends, God.. you even lose yourself, your identity and sometimes even your life.. we see that happening everyday in our lives.

what we as christians ought to understand is that God created us for relationships.. he created this need in us, he programmed us for relating to people.. meaning we can never survive alone.. so instead of spending all your lifetime chasing after a career and money, we should spend more time with our families, with friends, with our spouses and children.. we should love one another in sincerity not hypocrisy, and be other people centred.. we must thank God for all our relationships because they are a gift from God and because of that, we have the responsibilty of building those relationships and strive to be good sons/daughters, good friends, good mothers/fathers in future, good wives/husbands..

i am very convinced now that i will not marry a non-christian.. i was a bit unsure about this christian dating non christian thing before i came to church camp.. although i know it is not adviseable through a workshop we had in punj and through articles i read online, but i was not totally convinced.. now i think if we as christians are serious about our faith and serious about our God, then He should be the sole authority in our lives, the top priority ahead of our career, our money, our families and our partners. it is very hard for non-christians to understand this, and it is not surprising, but a true christian should not marry a non-christian. if God is topmost priority in a christian's life, i dont see how a nonchristian and a christian can ever be compatible in the way they view their lives, their money, their roles, their upbringing of the child. if ever they are going to be compatible, there will have to be a compromise on one side.. the non-christian converting or the christian falling away from God.. and a true christian will never take that risk hoping to convert the partner risking himself/herself falling so deep in love with his/her partner that he/she chooses to give up the relationship with God.

what pastor joshua said on tueday morning hit very close to my heart.. something that struck me. he gave this example of this christian girl dating a non-christian guy and the girl finally realised that she should stop this relationship in view of her relationship with God.. so they broke up.. but the guy realised how serious the girl was about God, he started asking himself whether this God really exists and is indeed so powerful that she is willing to give up the relationship. he started coming to church and in the process converted.. and that was also how i converted.. this is not an example of how a non-christian can be converted through a relationship but i think it is a clear picture of how missionary dating will never work out and how non-christians and christians will never work out together. in a way it is harder for christian girls i think because they dont get to choose which guy to ask themselves out.. so i dont blame her.. but i think christian girls should be very decisive and say no when a nonchristian asks her out.. so that she spares both of them the misery when they finally break up. but i thank God for her too, because without her, i would not have come to know Christ.. and i thank God that she was wise enough to reject me and not go into a fruitless relationship with me, one in which i might have ended up not converting, or falsely converted into a fake christian for her sake.. so i am very thankful.

sorry for being so super long winded today but i just want to pen down (blog down ) my thoughts from church camp while i am still in the mood and i want to remember the lessons i learnt in church camp for life and apply them to my daily living..

oh one more thing.. a few people have asked me how my life has changed since i became a christian.. i feel a bit stumped by the qn.. as in i dont really know how to answer it.. partly i think it is because i cannot really artculate my thoughts very well.. partly bcos i keep thinking of giving a good answer and not a sincere answer.. but largely i think it is because very little of my life has changed since i became a christian, contrary to what i would like to be and to what i claimed in my blog post last time.. i think my sinful nature has prevented me from living a godly life and it has prevented me from admitting and facing up to it.. sometimes i give myself excuses and i start deluding myself and start questioning God's word.. does it really say i cannot do this and that? after all it is by faith, so it doesnt matter what i do.. i will be saved anyway.. but i think the bible is super clear on this and the sermons reinforced this, that the sins and evil deeds are a manifestation of our sinful nature so if we are indeed to be in christ and we are dead to sin, we should not be continuing to lead a life that obeys the sinful nature.. yes it is a gift from God, we are saved by Jesus' death on the cross but we have the responsibility too to work it out, it is a task for us to put to death all our former evil ways and lead lives that are pleasing to God and worthy of Him.

the last 2 talks summed up what we as christians ought to do very well, so i shall end with this. as christians, we ought to live our lives wisely. this wisdom is from God and shown and perfected in the person of Jesus Christ. it is a gift from God. it is also a task and responsibility. everyday we must make a choice, to live wisely not foolishly. to live wisely,
1. we say no to sins
2. we say yes to love, love for one another expressed in oneness
3. we say thanks to God for our relationships

i thank God for everything. =) and i pray that from today onwards, i will make a constant effort not to sin (with God's help of cos).. next time when people ask me how my life has been since i became a christian, i can answer them boldly and confidently.

i'll worship You, my God; 2:29 PM

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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

heh here's another update, do treasure it haha.. i have a feeling there wont be many posts when yr 3 starts.. oh well..

i started to increase my mileage again this week.. to prepare for the new running season! ran 2 times 4 km on the treadmill on sunday. den did some weights.. ended up injuring my fifth left digit. now there are 2 focal lesions measuring about 0.2 cm times 0.2 cm each on the pulp of my fifth left digit, deduced to be hemorrhage as a result of trauma.. back to my running, yesterday i ran 15km and today i did 4 times 1km plus 6km jogging.. i hope i can squeeze in a couple more runs b4 church camp this sat.

this week is hell week for my cousin-cum-tutee. as a result of his abysmal midyear results and in view of his upcoming all important psle, i have forced him to have tuition from 9 to 5 at my place.. very frustrating teaching him.. sometimes u just cant control yourself when u see him making the same old stupid mistakes over and over again.. so i ended up hitting him and pinching him.. i always tell myself to control my anger at the start of the tuition but sooner or later i will lose it.. feel guilty especially when he starts to sob.. maybe i have been brought up in an environment where capital punishment is the norm so my threshold for punishing him seems to be lower.. or perhaps i shouldnt impose my own standards on him.. actually my cousin isnt a terribly dumb person.. he is smart and shrewd in many little ways like beating me at chinese chess and arguing with me.. i feel he is just not putting in enough effort in his studies and he is always making careless mistakes.. sigh..

watching some stupid shows on channel 8 recently.. there is one at 9pm about ghosts and stuff.. go check out the super high tech hell and newton's funky hairstyle. den there is this one on channel u about this emperor travelling through time to modern hongkong.. quite funny actually..

playing championship manager again.. its the only game i play haha.. its amazing how it can affect my mood u noe.. when my team (manchester utd naturally) starts losing.. but i always cheat by restarting the game again haha.. come on u guys do that too.. if only i can do that too in real life.. make a mistake, then restart and do it again. oh anyway manu bought van der sar from fulham.. frankly i would have preferred cudicini from chelsea. i just hope van der sar performs at manu next season, this has been the tenth keeper since schmichael.. hope there will be other high profile signings, if not i really dont see how we can challenge chelsea and arsenal next season.

i'll worship You, my God; 9:32 PM

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Saturday, June 04, 2005

it has been a very hectic couple of months since the 2nd professionals ended.
csfc has been a totally new experience for me. pretty exciting actually.. felt almost like half a doctor.. the white coat, the stuffy long sleaved shirt, the stethoscope (never mind if i still can't make out the difference between a PSM and an ESM, let alone a MDM or a EDM.. damn sometimes i can't even hear s1 and s2..).. well cheap thrill.. after a while the thrill of looking like a doctor wears off.. and the reality of me sweating profusely under the white coat and the long sleaved shirt sets in.. and the inadequacies of my 2 yrs of medical education are fully exposed when u can neither make head nor tail of the confusing constellation of signs and symptoms you are bombarded with.. and the blank stares and puzzled faces when asked for the causes of cyanosis and the side-effects of digoxin and the different causes of jaundice.. and you finally realise you still have a long long way to go..

if there is one most valuable thing i picked up from the course, it will have to be communication skills. it is something i have dreaded in the past, speaking to strangers and relating to them.. but surprisingly, i now find it quite a joy to talk to patients and finding about their conditions and how the patients feel.. especially the older patients who are often more than willing to share with you their life experiences.. it is very funny when you ask them one thing and they can veer off track to talk about something totally unrelated.. but i think being there to just listen is already a great comfort to them.. and it does brighten up my day too when i see them smile.

of course the language barrier has been one problem we constantly face when we talk to patients.. in fact more than half of the patients i talk to are non-english speaking.. speaking in mandarin is okay, in fact i find myself more comfortable speaking in mandarin.. but hokkien is something i need to work on.. many times i find myself stuck when i want to ask a question or say something in hokkien, especially when it comes to the more technical terms.. malay? even worse.. my understanding of the malay language is limited to simple verbs and nouns like saya, boleh, sakit, makan, minum, baik, barek etc.. trying to pick up words here and there but i still can't form a sentence in malay, let alone hold a conversation.. wonder why no one ever told me that it is important to know my dialects and malay when i enter medicine..

sigh i have been posted to surgery alexandra hospital.. so far except for 2 forgiving souls who told me that the tutors there are very nice, everyone has been telling me it is the worst possible place one can be in for surgery.. i really do hope it wont turn out as bad as they say it is.. i dont want to fail my first posting in yr 3 and go for a reposting.. maybe mugging the whole of bailey and love might help haha..

anyway next sat is church camp.. my first ever.. held at putra jaya, near kl i think.. i hope it is fun.. going to be involved in the games committee and one of the songs sessions.. pray for willingness to serve others and for good fellowship with the punjers.. looking forward to it!

i'll worship You, my God; 12:06 PM

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