Saturday, January 21, 2006
yesterday had a long chat with 2 friends.. one was quite long. the other was super long. in fact it just went into the soon wee's book of records as the longest telephone conversation ever. the previous record was i think 30 minutes. after yesterday, the record stands at i think 2 and a half hours!! more on that later..
anyway, i met my bible study group mates at settlers cafe for dinner and games. it was an ok outing la.. but disappointingly, we only played 2 games.. the dumb brainless animal game where we had to make an animal noise each and remember each other's animal noises.. and cranium.. cranium is fun but it is a rather long game so we ended up playing only these 2 games. i think the mcf settlers outing was more fun though.
went home with my bs leader on mrt and we had a chat about our lives and the direction set for our bs group.. actually it was more of him sharing about what he thought of the group.. in a way, i think i agree with him that the group is rather unlively and unwilling to open up to each other.. but sometimes i guess its just people's personailities.. for myself, i would have to say i used to be a rather closed person but coming to punj has changed that a lot.. i am sort of more encouraged to share with others about my feelings and struggles because i know that people here will not judge me or look at me negatively. on the other hand, i do find it difficult to convey verbally what i think and feel.. some sort of mind-mouth dissociation.. i am better at writing it down but then again, i am lazy to write haha..
but it never fails to amaze me how faithful and godly some of the punjers are.. the time they spent each week in church preparing for bible studies.. giving up their well-paying jobs to serve full-time in church.. and many others.. i am really encouraged by them but also guilty at times.. guilty that i have not served as much as i wanted to and that sometimes, my selfish nature has prevented me from contributing to punj.. my new year resolution at the start of this year was to change that and be a more active member of PUNJ..
now to the 2 and a half hour marathon chat.. again, it's more of the other party confiding in me than anything else..
can't say much la.. just that affairs of the heart are really touchy issues.. most of the time there is no real right or wrong.. you just follow your conscience and intuition and hope that things turn out your way. i am more for the idea of following your head and thinking logically but more often that not, the heart will somehow take over and have a mind of its own.. so i really dunno.
i think as a guy, we have no choice but to take the first step.. we cant wait around for girls to ask us out.. haha. in a way we make our own luck.. but i think as time goes by, we can objectively decide for ourselves where we stand.. there will a cue here and a hint there.. and sometimes it will be so obvious a conclusion staring at you in the face yet you choose to ignore it and plunge deeper into it..
it is important to tell yourself truthfully whether it is plain infatuation or you really like the person.. i wont even use the word "love" cos it is always used out of context and used too freely.. infatuation is like seeing a shoe or a watch on the shelves and you immediately "fall in love" with it. as days go by, the feelings for that watch gets stronger.. u continue to feed your infatuation by going down to the shop and marvel over it.. how good and nice it will be if i can get it.. then slowly "i will get it".. then " i must get it" so u start to save up money and forgo lunches and movies.. finally u might save enough money to get it.. but for myself normally after a long while, i find my interest in the watch dying and i find myself thinking " hey, actually i don't really want it or need it". thats my definition of infatuation for u.. it is a flawed anology definitely but it is close to my definition la. for a start u cant use money to buy a relationship.. but u do spend a lot of time and effort to pursue it.. and a long time after u fail, depending on how stubborn u are, u will see how foolish u are..
that's a lot to say for a topic.. and that shows how much i used to think about it. i still think about it but less so now.. cos i believe God has a plan for my life and he will do things for me when the time is right..
i'll worship You, my God; 9:25 AM
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